Overdosed...

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

ANG HULING ARAW.....


Ang Huling Araw


Kung tatanungin ako ng Diyos kung gaano kitaminahal, ang isasagot ko, 10 beses na higit pa sanararapat. Minahal kita hindi dahil pakiramdam ko lang tama, pero dahil ginusto ko yung naramdamanko at walang kung ano pa man.Minsan mo na akong tinanong kung pinagsisisihankong nakilala kita. Sinabi ko hindi. Ngayon na ngasiguro ang araw na kinatatakutan ko. Dahil kapag tinanong mo ulit sa akin yan, alam kong oo na angisasagot ko. Sa lahat kasi ng nangyari sa buhayko, ikaw lang ang gusto kong burahin. Wala ng iba.Alam kong tama na tong ginagawa ko ngayon.Tama ng mawala ka sa buhay ko. Dahil alam kong wala ng pag-asa yang sinasabi mongpagkakaibigan natin. Tanga lang ako na minsankong inisip na yun ang pinanghahawakan ko perohindi pala. Dahil pinili mo pa rin akong saktan kahit
alam mong dapat naging isa kang kaibigan.\nNung mga panahong ikaw at ikaw lang angkailangan ko, hindi man lang kita mahanap. Atkahit alam kong alam mo yon, pinili mong tiisinako. Ngayon hindi na ko umaasang nandyan kapa, dahil simula palang nang-iwan ka na.\nItinapon ko na rin ang lahat ng kasinungalingangsinabi mo na ang masakit ay pinaniwalaan ko.Nang sinabi mong importante ako sa yo at hindimo kayang wala ako, kagaguhan lang yon. Siguronapilitan ka lang sabihin yon, o di kaya, sinadya\nmo para paasahin ako.Ngayon, lahat ng binitawanmong salita, wala ng halaga. Simple lang angrason: dahil wala ka ring kwenta.Wala na rin akong pakialam kung nagustuhan moman ako o hindi. Ang importante, nagbigay ako ng\nbuong buo at ni minsan ay hindi humingi ng kahitanong kapalit. Kahit papano, naturuan mo akongmaging matatag. Natuto na rin akong tumigil sapaghahabol at pag-iyak sa taong manhid na tuladmo.Siguro nga nasira mo na ang lahat sa akin. Ang\npaninindigan ko, tapang at paniniwala ko, pati angkatauhan ko, pero kaya kong ibangon ang sarili koat mabuhay ng wala ka. Ako pa rin to. Oras ataraw lang ang nagbago.Ngayon na ang huling beses na sasabihin ko ito sa\nyo. Ngayon na ang huling pagkakataon na iisipinkita. Lahat ng bagay na dumaan, burado na. Patibuhay ko, bago na. Ngayon na ang huling oras namamahalin kita. Ngayon na ang tamang oras parasa lahat, para malaman mo kung gaano mo ako\nsinaktan. Tapos na yon lahat ngayon. Ito na anghuling araw ng paghihirap...Tama na, tapos na.Pero sa huling araw na ito, isa lang ang siguradoako...Hindi ito ang huling araw na sinabi ko lahat to. \n -- Pmtajon \n\n",0]
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alam mong dapat naging isa kang kaibigan. Nung mga panahong ikaw at ikaw lang angkailangan ko, hindi man lang kita mahanap. Atkahit alam kong alam mo yon, pinili mong tiisinako. Ngayon hindi na ko umaasang nandyan kapa, dahil simula palang nang-iwan ka na. Itinapon ko na rin ang lahat ng kasinungalingangsinabi mo na ang masakit ay pinaniwalaan ko.Nang sinabi mong importante ako sa yo at hindimo kayang wala ako, kagaguhan lang yon. Siguronapilitan ka lang sabihin yon, o di kaya, sinadya mo para paasahin ako.Ngayon, lahat ng binitawanmong salita, wala ng halaga. Simple lang angrason: dahil wala ka ring kwenta.Wala na rin akong pakialam kung nagustuhan moman ako o hindi. Ang importante, nagbigay ako ng buong buo at ni minsan ay hindi humingi ng kahitanong kapalit. Kahit papano, naturuan mo akongmaging matatag. Natuto na rin akong tumigil sapaghahabol at pag-iyak sa taong manhid na tuladmo.Siguro nga nasira mo na ang lahat sa akin. Ang paninindigan ko, tapang at paniniwala ko, pati angkatauhan ko, pero kaya kong ibangon ang sarili koat mabuhay ng wala ka. Ako pa rin to. Oras ataraw lang ang nagbago.Ngayon na ang huling beses na sasabihin ko ito sa yo. Ngayon na ang huling pagkakataon na iisipinkita. Lahat ng bagay na dumaan, burado na. Patibuhay ko, bago na. Ngayon na ang huling oras namamahalin kita. Ngayon na ang tamang oras parasa lahat, para malaman mo kung gaano mo ako sinaktan. Tapos na yon lahat ngayon. Ito na anghuling araw ng paghihirap...Tama na, tapos na.Pero sa huling araw na ito, isa lang ang siguradoako...Hindi ito ang huling araw na sinabi ko lahat to.

Posted by -Paulo- :: 4:41 PM :: 3 Comments:

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I LOVE YOU TOO BABY AND I WANT TO MOVE ON


* i remembered...i have already posted this article entitled "I LOVE YOU TOO, BABY"... now, i found its continuation..."I WANT TO MOVE ON". nonetheless, i am posting both articles so that you may enjoy reading them both and recall what was the first part about...
I was beginning to regret having worn my favorite red off- shoulder blouseand pleated skirt inside the movie house because I was shivering in the cold. But I took the huge risk because I knew perfectly how my favoritepair of clothing will impress my boyfriend. He loved it whenever I showed a little more skin but if and only if he was with me. I love how he compliments me - he never fails to make me feel as if I was the most beautiful woman on earth.The movie hasn't begun, and the cold was already enveloping us. We found good premiere seats. His hand was holding mine. The feeling of having him all to myself in the dark tickled me. It didn't occur to me that he was smelling the side of my neck as he murmured, "My Baby smells so good, Baby ko...I love you! Another smile curled my lips. "Wala bang I love you too?" He teased. So I answered back, "I love you too, Baby." After a few subtle kisses on the cheek, his cellphone beeped. He quickly checked who it was and buried his eyes on the message. I saw him reply to the text as if he was being chased after. " Heu I will buy food, what do you want?"
"Kelangan ko narin kasing mag-load, may kelangan akong reply-an. Limang piso nalang yata laman nito!" He whispered "La akong bulsa, By the way can you hold my cellphone please? baka mawala ko lang. You know how careless I am". I nodded and kept the phone safely in my hands. He slightly pinched my cheek, said I love you again under his breath, and took off. The movie still hasn't started. I closed my eyes and gave a hearty yawn. I almost fell asleep when I felt his phone vibrate violently. The name Michelle was blinking. Who's Michelle? I thought to myself. Even before I could press accept, the phone stopped vibrating and displayed 1 missed call.
The message icon was also blinking - meaning Michael's inbox was full. I had to delete old messages to pave way for incoming texts. So I did. Five messages came in immediately, all of which were from "Michelle." Without hesitation, I opened them one by one.
"Ha? What do you mean not now? When are we going to talked? Where are you?"Can I text you na?Text me if coast is clear.R u still with her?I felt my heart do a somersault in complete confusion. What did the messages mean? Who was that HER Michael was still with? I felt cold sweat forming around my forehead and nose. I took a deep breath. So I pretended to be Michael and replied casually to the text messages. She replied in a matter of seconds.
Yeah, why? Whats the problem? How are you?
Hi Mike!!! Whats new with you? Baket ngayon kalang nagreply? Kanina pako nagpaparamdam!Kasama mo pa ba si Shayne? I thought I was just stabbed right in the chest whenI saw my name in Michelle's text message, but Icontinued replying with Michael's phone.Oo, bumili lang ako ng food. Iniwan ko si Shaynesa loob ng sinehan. Baket ba kasi? Di mo pa kasi iwan yang babaeng yan eh hihihi!Love, tuloy ba tayo bukas?Ah? Ewan ko, ikaw ang bahala. San ba tayobukas?Diba sabi mo pupunta tayo ng Laguna?Ako nagsabi nun? Ah oo nga pala, I promised you that. Eh ano bang plano mo?Ano? Ikaw nga ang nagplano eh! Baket parangbinabalik mo sakin ang tanong? Nakalimutan mona ba? 4 months na tayo bukas! Dapat astig angout-of-town natin! Swimming tayo siguro tapos dinner... Alam mo na siguro ang ibig kongsabihin, love!I lay motionless. The movie began. I felt my headspin violently - my vision was now blurred becauseof the big teardrops gathering in my eyes. But I blinked them away and replied as fast as I could. Iknew Michael was on his way back to the cinemaany minute now.Oo sige na basta sabihin mo yun ang gagawinnatin! Ang bilis ng panahon noh 4 months na tayo. Parang kelan lang... O sige pano ba ang planobukas? Sabihin mo sakin ang nasa isip moHONEYHmmm.... Basta bring your car nalang! Tawaganmoko sa bahay tonight so wecan talk ha? Love you lots! Mwah mwah! (smiley face)I tried to reply I love you too, but the phonedisplayed Check OperatorServices.The whole world must've stopped before my veryeyes. There was nothing moreI could feel except for the tears rolling down my cheeks and the freeze thatwas now killing me inch by inch. I stared at the bigscreen while mythoughts drifted away... I couldn't find the rightwords to describe how Ifelt that moment. Images of another girl and my Baby deeply in love witheach other flashed in my head.And all this time, I was sharing Michael withsomeone else... That all thistime, there was another woman whom he had hisright arm around... The tears were all coming out now. I know people aroundmewere already staring, butI was no longer thinking rational. Emptinessdevoured me that instant...>From a distance I noticed a familiar face walking up the stairs towards myseat. I cleared my throat, cleaned my face, andtook several deep breaths.Michael was on his way to our seats at the centerbunk.I love you, Baby! Michael kissed me on the nose. Sensha na! Tagal ko noh!Dami kasi nakapila dun sa binilhan ko Sensha na,sensha na... He put downthe plastic bags and held my hand tight. Hekissedme softly on the lipsand whispered passionately, I love you Shayne! I love you Baby ko...I didn't have the strength to answer back.He went on. Oo nga pala, simula bukas, mayfieldwork kami. Baka next weekna ang balik ko. Hindi ko pa sure kung saan yungsite, so baka walang signal dun. But I'll try texting you whenever I can,ok? I love you, Babyko!I wanted to shout at him, scream at the top of mylungs, but no sound cameout. I couldn't make myself say anything. I turned mute... my body was asnumb as ever.O? Wala na naman bang I love you too dyan?Dapat lagi kang nag-I-I loveyou too! He laughed.I felt something vibrating on my lap again. It wasMichael's phone - another text message. Michael saw it blinking andimmediately read themessage at a distance. But I was able to readwhat it said:Kelan ka pa natuto mgtext in small letters? (smileyface) tsaka baket honey na ang twag mo sakin? Hindi na ba love? Bagona ba? (smiley face)There was a long, long awkward pause. I thoughtthe world has just stoppedrevolving.My lips were sealed and the tears were already flowing freely - I could nolonger control them. Michael looked straight atme,with his jaw half open.His eyes were round and bigger than usual, full ofquestions and fear. Wejust stared at each other, not knowing what to say. I felt the whole worldsink and disappear, leaving only the two of usalone in the dark.After a few seconds of silence that felt like forever,I swallowed the biglump in my throat with all my strength and bitterly whispered...I love you too, Baby ko...
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I WANT TO MOVE ON…
NOTE TO THE READER: DO NOT READ THIS ARTICLE IF YOU HAVE NOT READ "I LOVE YOU TOO, BABY..." BECAUSE THIS IS PART 2 ALREADY =)
The car absolutely looked familiar. It was a white Toyota mode; I couldn't just remember what's it called. But I knew the kind of shine in the wheel, the exact tint…and I was right.
I was on my way home that late afternoon. Besides the tiring mood I was in, the weather didn't seem very kind to me because I felt it was icy cold – as if it was going to rain. The distance was quite a shot, but I opted not to take a cab or a jeep because I felt like drinking the droplets of rain on my face. After all that stress in school, I needed all the time to "refresh".
But amidst the depths of my thoughts, I saw the familiar white car. So I left my subdued frustrations and went back to reality. I asked myself where did I see that car before…the driver was waiting for the gasoline boy to give him his change. "He". I knew that he was a "he" because of his striped polo and crumpled short hair – which were all together too familiar. I stopped on my tracks, and walked closer to the car. "This feels funny'" I thought to myself, "I'm actually going to that car just because my memory is failing me. Am I too old? Why couldn't I remember where I saw that car!!!" I was about 10 feet away from the car, when the driver went out and crumpled his hair more. He seemed to be counting his change and even from a distance I heard him say, "Man, I think you got my change wrong…" he took off his shades and walked to the counter. In full view, I felt my heart stopped beating – now I know why the car, the wheels, the polo shirt and the messy hair combined, were all too familiar. I knew who "he" was. He was my ex-boyfriend, Michael.
Yeah, it was Michael all right. I'm usually a healthy person but I thought I was going to have a heart attack that very moment I saw his face. After a year, this is he now – the same outfit, the same hair, the same tired eyes, and the same car he used to take me home with. He wore the same shades every time we went out to take some sunlight. Everything seemed the way it was a year ago when it was still "us". The only difference is that he was not wearing the silver ring I gave him for our last monthsary.
I took in a big gulp of air, hoping it would clear my lungs, and took several steps towards the car. "What the hell am I thinking? Shayne, just get out of here and go home! Just pretend you didn't see him!" but my feet continued with long strides towards the gasoline mini-mart. I pretended to be interested in buying some chocolate donuts, and intentionally walked across him, only about 10 inches away. So he glanced.
"Shayne! Ano…Baket…Saan…Saan ka galing? Kamusta ka na?" he was more shocked than I was. He looked at me from head to foot. I didn't dress up for the occasion – I didn't know I was going to see him in the first place. No, I was not wearing my off-shoulder blouse and skirt.
"Ah, wala…bibili lang sana ako ng donuts, Mike. Sige, uuwi na kasi ako, gabi na." I reached for a donut & went to the cashier. He followed me and paid for my bill. "Hatid na kita, Shayne? Dun din naman ako pupunta…" I took in another big gulp of air. Cold sweat trickled down my cheek. "Naku! Wag na Mike, alam mo pumunta ka na lang sa dapat mong puntahan, okey lang ako, promise!" without thinking I took a huge bite from the donut & chewed hard. The truth was, I was so nervous that I wanted to bite all my fingers and shake my knees." Ano ka ba…gabi na, mahirap maglakad ng ganitong oras, ihahatid na kita. Wag ka ng umangal." With that, he opened the passenger's seat door and motioned me to hop in. "This is going to be one long trip…' I thought to myself.
There was just long silence. I felt that I was soaking in sweat, thinking how and what I could say to break the silence. He had his radio on. "He listens to the same type of music," I said to myself. "Kelan ka ga-graduate, Shayne?" he finally asked. "Next month na, Mike.Excited na nga ako eh!" I lied. The thing is, I never thought of graduation anyway. I didn't want to linger on leaving school. I'd miss everything about UP…"Ang bilis ng oras noh, Shayne…Parang kelan lang…". He got lost with what he really wanted to say. I knew why. He was talking about "us", oh no, I'm not going to talk about that. Not in the next million years.
I changed our pacing. "Anong balak mo, Mike?" "Hmmm…hindi pa ako sure eh. Ang dami kasing nangyayaring…hindi ko inaasahan. Nalunod na ako sa trabaho. Hirap nga eh…ang hirap ng walang inaasahang baon sa magulang!" he laughed almost sarcastically, but I sensed the disappointment in his voice. "Is there something wrong?" I attempted. "Wala…I'm perfectly fine…"
We reached the Kalayaan intersection, and we were almost welcomed by the unmoving traffic. Oh boy, it was practically the longest trip of my life. The music continued, as if knowing we were listening. "How do I live" by Trisha Yearwood was playing. I wanted to kick the darn stereo and get out of the car, but I struggled to calm down and be as nonchalant as possible. Showing signs of reaction will make Michael think that I'm still affected by what happened between us. It was hard enough knowing that he had someone else when we were already steady for 7 months. After that, I didn't give him a chance to explain himself. I was already blinded by the fact that he cheated, and nothing made me talk to him again. Until that moment…
"Kamusta ka na?" Michael asked again. "Kamusta ka na, Shayne?" Ang tagal kitang hindi nakita…Ano na pinagkakaabalahan mo ngayon?"
"Wala naman…ganon pa rin, hindi naman ako nagbago. Abala lang ako sa graduation. Marami kasing projects ngayon tsaka tinatapos ko ang thesis ko," I breathed. "Eh, ikaw Mike, kamusta ka naman?"
He replied with an odd silence. He let the song finish before uttering another word. The song felt as if it was suffocating me inside the car; it made me feel trapped.
"Okay naman ako, Shayne. Medyo pagod lang…pero aaminin kong malungkot ako ngayon…"
Something in what he said didn't sound right. How could I be talking about "sadness" with the man who cheated on me? How could I be sitting here with the guy who lied to me and told me I was the one he loved most, and not some girl named Michelle? Disgusting things plagued me, but nothing escaped my lips. I wasn't in the mood to nag anybody.
Michael went on. "Siguro it's meant to be na magkita tayo ngayon, Shayne…Alam mo…alam mo…na-miss kita…"
Another odd silence followed. I thought someone punched me right in the chest. I couldn't breathe. Why is this man telling me these? Why is he sounding as if he deserves my pity? No…this is not right. I better get out of this darn car and just walk home. But I remained in my seat and glued my eyes on the vendors outside. I pretended not to hear anything but something about what he said wanted to make me cry. But why cry? This guy hurt me! This guy deserves no pity! He went on barely with soft whispers, "Shayne? Sa isang buong taon, o higit pa, pinigilan ko ang sarili kong makipagkita ulit sa iyo dahil alam kong nasaktan kita. Wala akong mukhang maiharap sa iyo…naalala mo pa ba Shayne nung…" I didn't let him say another word. "Oo, naaalala ko pa lahat," I butted in. the conversation sounded so wrong, that I didn't want to hear any apologies. What for? Harm has been done, and there's nothing he can do to mend things. I just wanted to move on with my life. The year that passed was a blessing to me – it gave me enough time to heal, more or less. And seeing him that day was simply not something I wished for. Maybe it really was meant for us to meet again.
Ten minutes wore away, and I kept silent. I didn't want him to know what was going on in my head. I didn't want him to know that for a year, I've been wanting to be with him too, ask him why he did that, what did I do to deserve being cheated at, how did Michelle look like, was she prettier than me, how long have they been together, did he date me before or after her…
"Sa isang buong taon, ginusto kong kausapin ka, magpaliwanag, sabihin kung gaano kita kamahal, at kung gaano kita na-miss…ginusto kong makipagkita, pero nangungunahan ako ng hiya…" this time I looked at him straight in the eye. Did he read my thoughts? Why was he talking as if he knew what I wanted to hear? The traffic was getting worse. "Lord, why did you make today a Saturday? You know how awful traffic is here on Saturday nights!". I concluded that God did it on purpose.
Another odd silence passed, this time it lasted for maybe 20 minutes. I felt like sleeping. The car usually felt like home to me. It had really comfy leather seats, where you can just doze off. I felt my eyes closed for a few seconds and my body felt more relaxed…
"Shayne, I still love you…"
I thought a bomb from Iraq exploded in my head. What did he just say? Did he say he still loved me? "HA?! Anong sabi mo?" I didn't want to sound stupid, but I just had to confirm what I just heard.
"Shayne, mahal naman talaga kita, hindi naman nagbago yun. Hinanap kita, pero nung nakita kita ulit, nawalan naman ako ng lakas ng loob na humarap sayo. Napangunahan ako ng hiya. Nahihiya ako sa yo…pero ang totoo, mahal na mahal pa rin kita, hanggang ngayon…"
I didn't say a thing. I left the silence between us and went on with my own thoughts. If he did love me, why did he cheat? Why did he make me feel as if I was just an old rag, which needed immediate replacement? Amidst my thoughts, I realized we were already halfway to my house. There were lots of things that we needed to discuss, but a voice in my head insisted that there isn't really much to talk about verbally. Michael cheated on me, and that was enough to end our relationship. Nothing – not even the "I love you, too's" and red roses he often gave me – can make me forgive him. How can I just smile and move on with the same man who made me cry a river? Snapshots of our past slowly appeared in my head at full length. The nights Michael used to walk me home, accompanied me to the grand ball, watched corny movies with me, sang songs at Encore, learned to play the guitar because he wanted to compose something for me, visited me in the hospital when I was diagnosed with potential anemia, and even went out at 12 midnight to buy me a bouquet of roses on the eve of our monthsary…when I opened my eyes, I suddenly realized that the car was already parked at the corner of our house. All I heard was the soft sounds of the crickets and nestling leaves of the trees nearby.
I froze. Finally, God heard my wish. I'm finally home, and I can say goodbye to this man. I can go straight to my room, open a book or two, finish my untapped thesis drafts, and iron my clothes for tomorrow. I can finally begin with my errands…but I lay motionless in my seat. Something made me want to stay – with him. Something inside my heart told me that it's happiness once again to feel him beside me. All the hatred I felt before disappeared – I was rummaging for that anger to rouse, but all I felt in my heart…was love.
Yes. I was still in love with him too. I wanted to say "I love you too" again but even my lips have forgotten what those words meant – or if they ever existed in the first place. I wanted to know how it felt if I called him "Baby" again. Another awkward silence protruded the scene, and I felt a few tears gathering at the back of my eyeballs.
"Shayne, mahal pa rin kita…"
He leaned towards me, pulled my chin closer to his. I smelled his breath…I've always loved that scent. I knew he wore the same perfume. The same Michael I fell in love with was right in front of me… practically begging me to love him again. His lips were an inch away from mine but I pulled away. My heart was beating faster that I thought he'd hear it. He pulled me closer again, but this time I won't budge. I gathered my books and school things and tried to regain composure. But then again, I stayed in my seat.
He sighed…heavily. I sensed regret, denial, frustration, and a hint of anger in that sigh. Another odd silence connected us both. I waited a year for another kiss from Michael's lips, but I let my pride take away that moment from me.
He resigned. "Shayne…I understand. Alam ko namang wala na tayong pag-asa, at alam kong ayaw mo na rin sa akin dahil sa ginawa ko dati. Alam kong hindi mo na ako mahal, at hindi mo na ako mamahalin kahit paglipas ng panahon. Hindi kita masisisi. Karapatan mo naman sigurong palitan na ako. Sino ba naman ako para magpumilit? I don't deserve you. You're more than a woman to me, but I have to face the consequences of what I've done to you. I will have to live with that forever. Shayne… kami pa rin ni Michelle…"
I thought my eyes were already bulging out of their sockets. Michael & Michelle, together all this time? The tears felt like raindrops all over my face. I didn't bother to wipe them off. He continued. "Naging kami nung nawala ka sa kin.pinilit kong mahalin sya na parang ikaw dati…pero hanggang ngayon Shayne…I'm sorry…"
The night's silence was too disturbing to contain. I felt a thousand pair of eyes around me, watching us cry like children. It was enough that he cheated and made me look like a fool. But telling me that he had spent the previous year with Michelle while in fact he wanted me to love him again was simply preposterous. I took my bag and opened the door. I did it as slowly as I could, so as not to show any emotion at all. And that was the truth – I didn't feel anything in my heart that instance. I pulled my keys, opened the gate and took a deep breath. "This has been a long day, " I told myself. The gate was half-closed when I heard him say something. "What?" I called back. He had his eyes fixed on me. I've never seen Michael's eyes like that before. His eyes were full of grief, so full of disappointment. I also felt despair and rejection in the way he stared at me. I opened the gate again, went out into the cold towards him. Michael opened the window of the car so he could see me more clearly. I bowed a little, just enough to touch his face. I pulled him closer…and kissed his lips. I waited a year to taste his lips again…I deserved it. The kiss lasted forever, the tears flowing freely again. I stopped and looked at him. I sighed, more heavily than he did earlier and whispered with all my strength left in me, "Michael…I want to move on…"
With that, I took a few steps back and intently glued my eyes on his. I wanted to feel that I loved him still…but that love was not enough to make me open the doors of my heart again. I knew that after what happened between us, I wouldn't have the courage to move on with my life. After what he did, I've never felt welcomed in anyone's heart anymore. All I wanted was to be with him again, but at this point that's impossible. His eyes were now troubled…with the thought of finally letting me go.
I looked at him for the last time – his white car, crumpled hair and striped polo shirt…and closed the gate behind me. It was time to say goodbye. Behind, I stood still for several minutes & heard the car engine rouse. The tears flowed again as the car drove farther & farther away until I couldn't hear anything anymore. I fell down on my knees and covered my face with my hands. The feeling was all too unbearable…but I want to move on…I did want to move on to a new life…a new life…where Michael can NEVER be a part of…never...

Posted by -Paulo- :: 4:37 PM :: 5 Comments:

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