Overdosed...

Whoa!!!! wait wait wait....

2008-01-17T05:07:00.000-08:00

I never how to start…

Let me glance back to the things happened to me last year…

Most of my dreams last year came true.. let me enumerate them
1.) I was able to watch this concert that I was dying to see! Beyonce Experience is such an experience.
2) I was able to go to Boracay which I though I will never visit.. ( I already have my plane ticket and will go back this coming April.. hahahaha..) I never really enjoyed the first time we went there, we didn’t had enough time to cruise that Paradise, I never had my camera then, but now, I am equipped, and we’ll stay there for 5 days! Hhhmmmm…

3) I bought my dream camera. I’ve been in love with photography lately, I studied the basic online and now, I am starting to apply what I have learned, and Photography is my new Hobby now. I almost failed to have that camera, I e-mailed my cousin to buy one for me, and she hollered back saying that there was no stock, so she need to buy it online, and if she does, she will never be there by the time it will be shipped coz I just sent her an email a week before she will leave. After a couple of days, she replied that she already bought the camera for me! Whoa!! I can not believe it! After all!!!!

4) I was promoted as a supervisor. After all the hardwork I went through, it paid off. But still, im still in a probationary..

That’s it I think?

Oh before I forget, my Bebe gave me 212 EDT! I never had a chance to buy one after the last bottle I consumed. Thank you

Last quarter of the year was the busiest time for me, I never get the chance to watch TV, not even listen to my favorite radio, not even visit the malls.. but before the year ends, I did shopping, watched movies, and ate food that I crave.. Last year was a BLAST I must say.. but??? What’s in-store for me this year? I would never expect, so might not get frustrated..

But for this year, here are my goals:

1.) Update my mobile unit: I’ve been short tempered when I see this warning from my phone that the 95% messages full!! Darn! It was just a hundred messages and it’s already full! I can not delete those messages coz I need them! (FYI, those are not quotes yeah?!)
2.) I need to have an ipod. Hahaha! I know, I know, its been quite some time since the ipod was released and yet I never had one, coz before, I find it as a luxury, and now, I think I need it. Traveling, listening over the favorite station of the driver sucks! Nakaka bobo! ( Sorry for the term), I don’t have a choice, if only I could tell my ears not to listen, I will.. but then again, im still having a second thought kung kailangan ko ba talaga yun o hindi.. hhhmm…
3.) Visit Palawan this year
4.) More trips, more fun

‘Till then!!!

Deprivation

2007-07-01T09:34:00.000-07:00

I’ve been deprived of having things that I wanted. And when i started working, i told myself that i'll buy all the things i want, but look at me now... I can’t even have the latest mobile phone that I wanted, ipod that almost everybody has, PSP... Whew! Why can’t I have those things that I wanted? Do I really need ‘em? Are they essential? I availed credit cards and yet I don’t have the guts to swipe ‘ em.. ang kuripot ko!!!! I hate myself for this, what do u think is the panacea for this? I want those gadgets but I don’t want to spend my savings… the proliferation of these end gadgets makes me feel outdated. I pity myself.. poor me!!!!

CHISMIS

2007-06-10T06:41:00.001-07:00

O Musta Na? anong chika? Anong balita? Lahat kasali! Ugali na ng pinoy ang maki tsismis… sa opisina, sa eskwela, sa palengke, sa kalsada, sa parlor, sa mall, sa kapehan, sa banyo, sa lobby, sa telepono, sa cellphone, sa internet, lahat na yata ng klaseng pang komikasyon ay ginagawang tulay upang mapagkunan ng tsismis. Hay, ang tsismis nga naman. Ano nga ba ang salitang tsismis?

TSISMIS- gossip, chika, mga balitang kumakalat, usap usapan ng madla, may katotohanan man o wala, tsismis pa din ito..

Ilang tao na nga ba ang nasira dahil sa tsismis?
Ilang taong sumikat dahil sa tsismis?
Ilang relasyon na ang nasira ng dahil lang sa tsismis?
Ilang tahanan na ang nawasak ng dahil lang sa tsismis?

Tsismis ang isang dahilan ang pagkaira ng isang samahan. Hindi naman sa lahat, ngunit minsan sa karamihan. Bakit nga ba tayo nakikitsismis? Isa sa pampalipas oras natin ang pagtsi-tsismis, lalo na sa mga taong walang ginagawa, pupunta sa kapit bahay at pag uusapan ang pwedeng pag usapan, kukunin ang telepono at tatawagan ang mga ka chika upang silay mag chi-chikahan, minsan may conference pa! Makikipagkita ka sa kaibigan mo sa isang coffee shop para makipag tsismisan. Mula sabado ng tangahali hanggang linggo, bubuksan na ang telebisyon, star talk na! The Buzz! E channel, lahat!! hay, nakatutuwang isipin ngunit sadyang nangyayari ang mga bagay na ganito.

Ang tsismis nga naman. Ikaw? Isa ka bang tsismoso/ tsismosa?
Umamin ka!
Anong balita?

ang pagbabalik...

2007-06-02T01:26:00.001-07:00

Ayan.. mejo maayos na pakiramdam ko.. and yet, I still can’t smoke. Abusado kasi, last Wednesday, sa kagustuhan kong lumabas, lumabas pa din ako kahit gabing gabi na. nagkapae ako sa metrowalk, dala ng kainggitan, nag yosi ako ng ngagyosi.. ayan, kinabukasan, ubo to the maxx na naman.. hay, that’s what stubborn people can get.

I lost weight din, siguro nga 5 lbs. dalawang araw akong di makakain ng kanin. I only ate peaches and corn and drink lots of water. The next day, I tried to eat noodles and still I can’t swallow it! Damn!

Ayun, hindi ko man lang na enjoy yung four days na off ko sa work. Nagpahinga lang ako. And now, here I am again, nasa office, nagtratrabaho..

Anyway, tama na yang usapang sakit, basta ang alam ko, okay na ako, not quite but at least I feel better. Thank God!

By the way, the project that we tested for a week is already our account. Success!! Im so happy. After all the hard word, eto na yung bunga. 

Sana maging maayos na lahat… sana…

tao lang...

2007-05-28T02:17:00.000-07:00

may sakit ako!!! sumuko na din ang katawang lupa ko... sabi ko na nga ba't hahantong din kami dito eh.. huling pasok ko na to para sa linggong ito. magpapahinga ako hanggang sa sabado.. hay salamat... uso diun pala ang salitang REST. hindi puro trabaho trabaho trabaho... sarap kasi magtrabaho eh. habang nasa opisina ako. trabaho lang.. di mo na namamamalayan ang oras... sana alas 11 na ng gabi... gusto ko ng umuwi... gusto ng bumagsak ng katawang lupa.. hindi ko na kaya... :'(

Wala Lang

2007-05-25T18:57:00.000-07:00

I dunno what’s happening with me right now. I can’t even compose a paragraph. Damn!
Stress? Maybe. Bohtered? Somehow. Pressured? As always. I miss my friends, I miss my parents. I think I need a break. I need a vacation, im fed up. I miss going to bars, drinking all night long, partying like an animal. Partying boosts me up! I gain my self confidence, get updates on what’s in. I wanna party, but at this point, it seems that my schedule don’t want to cooperate. I was sent to a new project that I need to go to work on a weekend to train new agents. It sucks! Why now?! I can’t even whine… why? I don’t have the guts and I don’t have the right! Hahahaha is that right? People surrender the word Freedom when they enter a certain position, a position sandwiched by Managers and agents. You will always have to consider these people before making a decision. Oh well, its part of my job, I need to deal with it. I assessed myself at this point in time; I can’t handle a managerial position. Ang hirap palanag maging manager, well, im not saying na manager ako. Hahaha. Ayaw ko muna maging manager, hindi pa ako handa! Hahaha wala akong managerial skills, pero matututunamn ko din yan baling araw.. and one day, magiging manager din ako.. tandaan nyo yan.. hehehehe and now, dahil walang magawa, nakapag sulat na naman ako… I was just staring at my screen, and I just let my fingers type and type.. and here you go..

I need to vent, I need my friends! I need an update!!!!!! Sana one of these days makagimik naman ako… tara mga ka blog.. gimik tayo!

The third time...

2007-05-25T00:35:00.000-07:00

The company I am working with came up with attendance incentive na if you completed the whole month with no tardy, no absences, and complete log in and out using the biometrics may extra pay ka! Sarap! something to look forward to at the end of the month! Unfortunately, this is the third time that I failed to log out!!!! Grrrr! Tapos deduction pa sa pay, damn! Sayang!!!! Pinagtrabahuhan ko naman yun eh, and everybody is aware na nasa office ako that time! Just because I falied to log out, kakaltasan na ako! Wuahhh!!! In fairness, and I admit it was my mistake.. nawiwindang na ako sa pabago bagong sched ko!!! hay! Shet! Sayang naman… baka sa susunod materminate na ako just for failing to log out.. Damn it! Bad day…

Sa Wakas

2007-05-22T00:31:00.000-07:00

fellow bloggers, sorry at mejo natagalan bago ako makapag post ulit... naging busy kasi ako this past few weeks. My co TL was pulled out para sa training, kaya naiwan ako para i manage lahat ng agents.so after few weeks, ako naman na pull out for the dry run of the new project. sana mag succeed para naman masaya. ngayon mas masaya, i was trained for the project 3 hours lang today, so yung 5 hours ko puro lang ako internet.. hahahaha! sobrang petix! kaya heto, nakapag blog ako ngayon. last sunday may team building kami, company outing para bago ko man iwan yng mga alaga ko, nagkulitan muna kami. na touch nga ako pagdating ko may note sa table ko na miss na daw ako ng mga agents ko, na mababa daw production nila kagabi kasi wala daw nagmomotivate sa kanila! Hahahaha! Nang uto pa ang mga agents ko! hahaha! i will try to update my blog as often af i can... hanggang sa muli!take a glimpse of my pic pala last sunday.. Thanks Kent!

Photo shoot

2007-04-20T05:54:00.000-07:00

Bisyo

Pencils Unlimited

Coffee Overdose

Light Painting

Tinopak ako!!

2007-04-16T10:43:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday, I went to Baguio with no plans at all, I only had my wallet, mobile phone and what else? Yosi? Hahahaha

It’s been a while since the last time I stoop on the red-land mountain of Baguio, I miss the cold breeze blowing thru my face, the relaxing feeling of mountainous city, foggy afternoon while sipping a cup of hot chocolate… mmmmm.. Yummy!

So ayun na nga,sinumpong ako ng topak ko ,nagpunta ako sa Baguio na walang dala kungdi wallet at cellphone. So I texted Bianca, one of my friends na nakilala ko dahil sa GPRS chat dati, nung libre pa ang GPRS.. hahahaha! May family na sya ngayon, may baby na din at napangasawa nya yung classmate ko din nung college. I also texted Kikay, she’s married pero wala pang baby, kadarating lang nung asawa nya galling US so ayun meaning to say that I can’t be with them that long unlike before na hang out all day and all night long, ayun, so nakarating ako sa Baguio ng mga 1 pm na yata, Bianca fetched me at the Bus terminal, now she’s driving her own car, she’s with her little sister Wil-Anne. Hehehe, so Bianca drove me home, nakapagpahinga ako ng hanggang 6pm! I took a bath with freezing cold water, buti na lang may heater.. sarap maligo! Refreshing! Ang lamig pa rin ng tubig… then we went to SM Baguio, most elegant and romantic SM (for me), Meet namin si Kikay, we dined in at Mann Hann, then after nag coffee kami sa Picarre, sarap ng Hot Choco dito promise! Parang paalaman na, mukhang pinapauwi na sila ng kani-kanilang mga asawa.. hehehe. Text brigade! Tinext ko na naman yung isa kong kabarkada, wow! Bilis ng reply! Gimik daw kami at magkakasama na daw pala sila! Sarap! So after kong makasama yung mga de-amilya kong friends, mga kaberks naman! Boys’ night out! Sa caltex kami tumambay yung malapit sa Victory terminal sa Gov. pack road. Hinatid ako ni Bianca, then inuman agad! San Mig to the max! alak kung alak! Sarap uminon sa Baguio, malamig yung beer lagi, di nakakalasing! Then nabanggit nila na Ian is in town, tinawagan ko Ian, and they’re right! Nasa Baguio nga sya, so pinapunta naming sya agad agad sa Caltex! Inom, kwentuhan, updates, tawanaman, kamustahan! Sarap! Tapos neveda square naman kami, well, tumanda na nga kami, before we used to like dancing with crowds, now, hindi na, video okay na mga trips namin! Sarap! Flowing ng beer, kantahan ng walang katapusan! Lipat ng Bar, sarap! Wish I could stay long but I have to go na.. 4 am na.. uwian na.. hay.. sana makabalik ako na Bgauio ulit.. yaan mo Baguio, pupuntahan ulit kita! Promise!

Cooking shows

2007-04-16T06:20:00.000-07:00

Iron Chef America

Battle of the chefs, there are four iron chefs, Iron Chef Kat Cora, Iron Chef Mario Batali, Iron Chef Bobby Flay, Iron Chef Morimoto. A battle show where in one of the iron chefs will be challenged by another chef. They will use one major ingredient and they have to make 5 entrees in one hour! Then foods will be evaluated by the meticulous judges, often times, Ted Allen, one of the hosts of The Queer Eye for a Straight guy, is one of the panelist of the said show.

Thirty Minute Meal

Are you having a hard time preparing food in short span of time? Not until thirty minute meal was aired. Hosted by mezmerizing Rachel Ray! Sit back, relax, let her do the talking and cooking...

Barefoot Contesa

One of the finest chef of all times, Ina Garten, combination of class, authentic food cooked at their best! Whew! Who wouldn't want to take a bite with scrumptious dishes?

Boy Meets Grill

Hosted by one of the Iron Chefs, Bobby Flay! Western food will never be complete without any grilled food! Let those grillers, skewers, rotisseries working! Throw it on the grill and let’s have some action!

Food 911

Hosted by Tyler Florence! Having a hard time perfecting your favorite dish? Let's call 911! Ooopppssss, I mean food 911! This hottie chef will help us perfect our favorite dish!

Emril Live

A cooking show with live band on the side! His humor together with his passion in cooking made his way to the top! With all the wham bam and all that!

Wolfgang Puck

Austrian Chef who cooks for the Oscars how about that?

Everyday Italian

Giana, sexy chef on the side! Hey Giana, how do you keep yourself fit after cooking and eating all those mouth watering food?

Chocolates

2007-04-11T05:53:00.000-07:00

One of my favortie shows on Lifestyle network is "The Iron Chef America". it is a cooking show where two chefs will have cooking battle; they will use one major ingredient and the should make five entrees in one hour! beat that! and last sunday, their major ingridients were chocolate and coconut... Mario Batali one of the iron chefs won the game! and before they ended the show, one of the hosts said..

"life is like chocolate, without bitterness, sweetness will never mean a thing"

oh yeah! damn right!

Three Question personality test..

2007-04-09T08:04:00.000-07:00

Your Personality Is

Guardian (SJ)

You are sensible, down to earth, and goal oriented.
Bottom line, you are good at playing by the rules.
You tend to be dominant - and you are a natural leader.
You are interested in rules and order. Morals are important to you.
A hard worker, you give your all at whatever you do.
You're very serious, and people often tell you to lighten up.
In love, you tend to take things carefully and slowly.
At work, you are suited to almost any career - but you excel in leadership positions.
With others, you tend to be polite and formal.
As far as looks go, you are traditionally attractive. You take good care of yourself.
On weekends, you tend to like to do organized activities. In fact, you often organize them!

The Three Question Personality Test

ang galing!
try this one.. it's cool! somre are true but not quite.. :D
salamat scarlett.. :)

Apocalypto

2007-04-07T14:40:00.000-07:00

I was watching Apocalypto and I heard this line that made me jump off my seat, grab my laptop and felt the need to blog immediately.

You fear me?
So you should and all you who are evil.
Would you like to know how you will die?
The sacred time is near.
Beware the blackness of the day.
Beware the man who brings the jaguar.
Behold him reborn from mud and earth.
For the one he takes you to
Will cancel the sky and scratch out the earth
Scratch you out and end your world.
He’s with us now.
Day will be like night.
And the man Jaguar will lead you to your end.

This scene made my Goosebumps jump out of the shell.

Another great and a must see movie from Mel Gibson.
You might not have the courage to finish the movie due to its morbidity
Man being murdered, their hearts are being taken, beheaded like poultry
And roll their bodies into the ground, oasis of dead people, and fountain of blood.
Damn good movie...

OLAY Total effects

2007-04-04T12:53:00.000-07:00

Alam mo nagging meticulous lang naman ako a few years after working for TV , napansin ko kasi im always exposed to the lights, I have make-up all the time. So I have many products for different purposes, like I have an exfoliant, a toner, cream under my eyes, SPF, moisturizer, ang dami but when they said that this new olay total effects fights the 7 signs of skin aging, .skeptical ako, kasi 1 product para sa lahat…

And its true! It has replaced all my other products, my skin is firmer, my pores are smaller, and my lines parang nawala.

Olay total effects, fights the seven signs of skin aging, see for yourself in just three weeks.

Martes Santo

2007-04-03T10:32:00.000-07:00

Alas otso ng gabi, Martes Santo, naghihintay ako ng fx papasok sa opisina, “naku, mukhang late na yata ako, sana yung driver na mabilis magmaneho ang masakyan ko”. Dumating yung fx at yun nga ang driver ng fx na asking sasakyan. Salamat. Whew.
papasok ako sa trabaho, naka upo ako sa front seat ng fx na aking sinasakyan, smooth ang byahe, with jazz sounds.. stop light sa may blue wave intersection, di ko alam kung anong street yun sa may Marikina. Green light, Go, biglang may isang motor na nagmamagaling at pumagitna sa dinadaanan namin, ang yabang, parang hari ng daan, naka helmet, naka jacket, over take kami, maya maya, pagtingin ko sa side mirror, aba ang gago, humahabol.. sige, pinauna na. pagliko sa pangalawang kanto, overtake ulit kami, at napansin ng driver na parang sinusundan kami at mayabang ang nagmamaneho ng motor. Nagbanta ngayon tong driver, isa pang gitgit mo kakaladkarin na kinta sa kantong eto. Paliko na kami sa kanto ng biglang umovertake ang gago, sumayad yata yung tuhog nya sa driver’s door, huminto sya sa harapan namin at nakita ko syang may binubunot, akala ko baril at babarilin yung driver. What If ako yung natamaan? What if katabi ko yung natamaan? Andar kami ulit papunta sa kinalulugaran nya, pinakita nya yung chapa nya, pulis pulisan, ang yabang, pinakita pa talaga yung chapa nya.. sarap talagang sagasaan ni gago, ang yabang. Nagbanghayan ang dalawa at nagsisihan… whew, akala ko talaga baril na. at least hindi baril yung binunot nya.. salamat naman ako ay nakahinga ng maluwag. Pinauna ng umandar yung motor, pagdating sa kanto, nakita naming sya na nakatambay, naninigarilyo, nakatingin sa sinasakyan naming na nanlilisik ang mata. Kinabahan si gago. Napayosi bigla. Hay.. salamat at nakarating ako sa opisina ng maayos at buhay pa.. whew.. Salamat…

April fool’s day

2007-03-31T23:49:00.000-07:00

I started the day watching 300, one of the most fascinating movies I’ve ever watched, best picture. I actually counted if they’re really 300, but they are not, 127 lang sila. Hahaha, kidding. Nice movie.. whhoooo whhooooo!!!
I also noticed that Xerxes’ fake eyebrows; he used eyeliner for his brows. And that made me wonder that early ages, third sex do exists, check out the movie Alexander. With all those beef cake warriors, with all that “pandesal midsection”, I wouldn’t be shocked if they really do. Go Spartans! I won’t go into the details, this is a must see movie, go grab a copy now!

Movie Marathon, Next, The Prestige, I wasn’t able to finish the movie, I found myself sleeping on the couch. I got bored, so I played Pursuit of HappYness, Will Smith (who played the role of Chris Gardner) the main character of this movie. Nice movie, if you want something, don’t lose hope, stay focus and determined, and you can have what you want. Despite all of the hardships, the test and all, he stood still and never gave up. Hats off Mr. Gardner, I salute you.

As far as I know, as of this hour, nobody dared to fool me. We’ll if you do have plans, better back off, or be one of the soldiers killed, piled up and used as a gate to funnel the numbered enemies who attempted to destroy and kill the Spartans. Go Leonidas!

"INTELLIGENT" exam answers

2007-03-30T08:21:00.000-07:00

DAMN TWISTED

2007-03-29T10:54:00.001-07:00

Nakasakay ako sa fx papasok sa office, ang tahimik, so flipped my phone and threw the headsets on, listening to RX.. I can’t even understand what they’re saying… wala akong maintindihan … ang hirap intindihan… ang gulo ng mundo ko, then I saw this girl wearing her headset then somebody called her, she was trying to speak on the handset at wala siyang naririnig.. kung dib a naman sa katangahan, nakaheadset ka! Gusto ko ng lang sabihin sa kanya, TANGA, alisin mo yang headset mo! Hay, why do some people get things na hindi naman nila alam kung pano gamitin, na hindi naman nila alam ang functions pero bakit pilit nilang kinukuha? Pwede naman maging simple ang pamumuhay eh, it’s just that some people make things complicated… sana lang, sa susunod na kumuha sila ng mga bagay nila, alam nila ang function, alam nila ang gamit at marunong silang magpahalaga sa mga bagay na kukuhanin nila…

Back to reality

Eton a nama ako, lumalampas na naman ako sa dapat kong kalagyan…
Back up! Hop back! Eto ang boses na lagi kong naririnig… parang gusto ko ng tumahak ng ibang daan, daan na walang linya kung hanggang saan ako pwedeng umabot, daan na malawak na pwede kong gawin ang gusto kong gawin, daan kung saan pwede akong maging masaya na walang nasasagasaang ibang tao, napaka limitado na ng buhay ko, para akong may sakit na may hangganan na ang buhay ko… alam kong tanga ako pero wag na sanang ulit ulitin at ipamukha sa aking tanga nga ako…

Never fight with a person who never accepts defeat!

2007-03-02T08:18:00.000-08:00

I watched this movie way back, I forgot the title; there was this lady amateur boxer who fought a champion. The amateur boxer was about to win, when the other team called for a time out, as this amateur boxer turns her back to take a rest on her corner, she was hit on her head, she was blocked out. The next thing she woke up, she found her self on the hospital bed, gasping air with the help of apparatus around her, she can’t stand, she can’t move, she even hardly speaks. It was a hell for her! Her father took her home and have her medicated in their own place, all the money she earned from her previous games were all gone. Just because of that title, just because of that fame, because of the pride…

How Lucky am I!

2007-02-28T07:54:00.000-08:00

We were gathered to a conference by our manager and brought up some issue regarding one of our employees. It really touched out heart… when we get to see him here in the office, as if nothing really bad happening, well in fact on what is happening with him right now, I might consider it as the downiest part of my life… their house was demolished, they don’t even have a comfort room, the only time he gets to use the comfort room is when he get here in the office. Awwww… I feel sorry for him. The pay he’s getting is not even enough for him and his siblings to survive. His parants are both deceased. It even came to a point where he doesn’t have fare anymore. ( he resides in cavite FYI). Then the management team came to this idea, we’ll be having a money pool for him…
Hay, sana makatulong kami sa kanya…

Wake up call

Ang dami kong reklamo, gusto ko ng ganito, ng ganyan, kailangan ko ng ganito, ng ganyan…ang daming gusto pero di naman talaga kailangan… maangal, pero tumingin ka sa paligid mo… be contented on what you have but don’t stop aiming for better. Learn to appreciate what you have right now, coz we don’t know, tomorrow it might be the our last daw, we never know…
Learn to live you life to the fullest…
Stay happy!
Don’t hurt others feelings.
Remember, what goes around comes aound…

Sino ba talaga ang mali?

2007-02-15T21:09:00.000-08:00

Feb 15, Thursday: after dinner, Sam accompanied Mike to get the requirements of Mike for the Final Exam. Then after getting all the requirements, Sam told Mike to submit the requirements before going home but Mike told Sam that he can do it tomorrow. So Mike went home together with the requirements. Next day, Sam reminded Mike twice to put all the requirements on his bag for him not to forget it because that night was the deadline. Mike came to school together with his requirements. When the teacher asked Mike his requirements, he found out that he brought the wrong requirement, instead of Bringing in the school ID, mike brought his Barangay ID which is not valid for the Requirement. The teacher gave leeway to Mike that he can submit that tomorrow until 12 midnight. That night, Sam together with their friends has a Gimmick! Mike wants to go with them but Sam did not permit him because he needs to submit the requirement on time or else, Mike will not join the Final Exam the next Monday.

Hindi pinayagan si Mike na sumama sa gimmick kasi kailangang nyang ipasa yung requirements nya on time. Nagtampo si Mike kasi pwede naman daw nya gawin yun mamaya, gusto lang nyang makasama yung mga kabarka nila na matagal ng hindi nagkita-kita..

Point of view ni Mike: Sinabi naman nya kay Sam na pwede nyang gawin yun mamaya, kailangan lang nyang Makita yung mga kaibigan nya.

Kung ikaw si Sam, papayagan mo ba si Mike sa sumama sa Gimmick o wag na muna syang pasamahin at gawin muna yung kailangan nyang gawin dahil deadline na ng 12 midnight? (8pm na gustong pa ding sumamani Mike sa Gimick)

Kung ikaw si Mike? Magtatampo ka ba kasi hindi ka pinayagan ni Sam na sumama sa Gimick pero ang gusto mo lang naman eh makasama sila sandali at pwede mo naman gawin ipasa yung requirement bago mag alas dose ng gabi?

Please post your comment

Thanks!

LA VITA E BELLA

2007-02-07T11:01:00.000-08:00

Life is beautiful

Many people tend to whine on how cruel life is, but they just don’t know how beautiful life is. They stay most of their life on the murky side. They never tried to look it on the bright side. Reality speaking, nobody gets contented on what they have, everybody have wants, we never run out of them. Maybe we should learn how to appreciate what we have right now, it might not last forever but at least we experienced having them. Sometimes we really don’t see their worth unless they’re gone. Be contented on what we have but never stop aiming for better. Life is beautiful! Try to walk alone and feel the air slapping thru your face, try to watch the sun as it sets, it really feels great. Life is full of challenges and those challenges will make you a better person. Stay strong, remember that we are not alone… nobody is alone… somebody cares; you just need to feel that you are being taken care of. You will never feel it unless you convince yourself that you can feel it. Don’ resist, learn to accept.

new life...

2007-01-24T08:18:00.000-08:00

Blogging here we go!

I became too lazy to write a new entry for my blog for the past few weeks, now here I am again... Trying mo make one.

I forgot to say thank you to all the people who gave me gifts last Christmas, thank you guys!

I wanna read lots of books, I wanna learn new words, I wanna have a new job.

I’ve been staying with the company for two years and 7 months and I finally reached the threshold of my career. I can’t go any further unless one of the supervisors get fired or killed. I finally got my resume done, but why in the hell in the world can’t I leave this company? I travel for and hour and 30 minutes at most. I’m staying in Pasig and I am working in Commonwealth Quezon City, Darn far! Why can’t I just apply somewhere in Ortigas area? Closer to my place, higher salary, more activities, unlike here we’re situated in an isolated building near a gasoline station, no convenience stores, no coffee shops, no restaurant near us. Whew! One more thing that triggers my eagerness to apply to other center, three of my colleagues are also planning to apply to another center, hahahaha.. Maybe this would be the down part of our career; I really don’t know what to do. Do we lack motivation or something? Help me decide fellow bloggers…

I wanna leave the country din, but I still have a problem with my birth certificate… hay, I was born august 5, but what was written on the records of Census, I was born the seventh of august. Hay… my original record is in tarlac… hay… hope I have the drive to fix it… sabi nga nila, hindi ko daw yun maayos haggat di pa dumarating yung opportunity na aalis na talaga ako… but for the sake of fixing it just because I want to have it, hindi daw ganon.. ugaling pinoy nga naman.. hay…

Live life

2007-01-16T09:39:00.000-08:00

Back to Manila, done with my vacation in Puerto Galera. Done watching the beautiful sunset, sitting on the shore, watching the undulating waves, watching incalculable number of people doing different activities, different races, different languages, genders, sexuality, all in the beach. We all have something in common, we love the Beach!

Back to reality! Urban Life is Back!

-I finally got my Starbucks planner at Starbucks Araneta! Yahoo!

-I learned a lesson as I watch “The Beauty and the Geek” this morning. The Beauties we’re transformed to a geek and instructed to go to a bar and challenged to get as many drinks as they can. There were four girls in the competition, the black girl won. Lesson: beauty is not the most important factor to be lived; it’s the brain that counts at the end of the day.

-Wansapanatym of ABS-CBN before home Boy. Another lesson learned. Don’t be envious. Believe in yourself. Being a mediocre doesn’t mean that everybody is above you, there would always be something in you that would make them want you, believe in you, there would always be something in you that would make them want to be you!
Have fun! Stay happy, don’t hurt other’s feelings.

PARA MAMA...

2006-12-18T08:27:00.000-08:00

PASAKAY …

Mga pangyayari sa isang jeepney…

1.) patigasan… 3 lang kayong pasahero, lahat nasa dulo.. abutan na nga bayad.. walang gustong mag abot...

2.) punyeta kang buhok ka… sa mga babaeng di marunong magtali ng buhok na animoy napakaganda, pakitali naman, kulang na lang makain ko nuhok mo. Pag di mo inayos yan… makakalbo ka ngayon din!

3.) Mga pasaherong di marunong gumamit ng deodorant… pwede pong magtanong? Sibuyas po ba ang deodorant nyo? Kumakain ba ng shawarma kili kili mo?

4.) Ang dami mong dala ah.. nirentahan mo ba ‘tong jeep? Wala na akong maupuan. Gamit mo na lahat.. sana nagtaxi ka na lang…

5.) Mga driver na walang modo.. pag sumakat pwede kahit saan, pero pag baba kailangan sa tamang babaan…

6.) Mga driver na walang panukli.. pwede magpa barya ka muna bago ka pumasada?

7.) Sa mga pasaherong nagbabayad ng 500 o 1000 sa jeep. Tanga ka? Pwede mag taxi ka na lang, dami ka naman palang pera eh di mag taxi ka na lang…

8.) Sa mga jeepney driver na hinihintuan lahat ng pasahero… papara po kami pag kailangan naming sumakay ng jeep… marunong po kaming pumara…

Hehehehe.. kung may idadagdag pa kayo.. comment na lang po..  salamat!
sensya na.. wala akong kotse eh...

Watch out...

2006-12-12T14:19:00.000-08:00

for the trash blog soon...

Wish List

2006-11-21T11:32:00.000-08:00

1.) ipod nano- RED 4/8G
2.) Wallet- bifold. nawala kasi yung wallet ko eh :(
3.) Lacoste- white sneakers
4.) Nike free- tagal ko ng walang rubber shoes eh
5.) tsaka mga DVDs na magaganda :)
6.) books na magandang basahin :)
7.) trip to palawan
hehehe..
eto lang po.. alam kong ako din ang bibibli ng wishlist ko... kaya kung balak nyo man ako bilhan ng isa sa mga yan.. sabihin nyo na ng mas maaga para di ko na mabili at para maexcite ako... hehehehe

think about this...

2006-11-20T12:07:00.000-08:00

It you feel the air blowing on your face, it only means one thing… you’re moving forward. Be afraid if the air blows from behind….

.....

2006-11-16T14:51:00.000-08:00

http://www.myheritage.com

....

2006-11-14T15:18:00.000-08:00

I was staring at my PC waiting for the grading sheets to be done for the evaluation of trainees when my pen fell. Hindi ko sya pinansin, wala lang.. isa lang syang ballpen na pwedeng mamaya na lang pulutin. So I kept on staring at my PC. It was then time to write the stats of my agents for thr day. I’ll be needing that pen, so I crouched to get that pen, when I saw that I am actually wearing a wrong pair of socks!!!! Wuahhhh!!!! Hehehe well at least pareho silang puti.. hay…

BeWare...

2006-11-10T07:33:00.000-08:00

What If somebody is watching all what we’re doing?

Life is just like a movie, a camera, the actors and actresses, the directors, the make up artists, the script writers, the extra’s and stuntmen, the setting.

All the things that we do even when we know we’re all alone, somebody still knows what we are doing. Standing still in front of the mirror staring at your body, burglars who think nobody seems to see and know what they did, corrupt political leaders, a student opening leakage while everybody is busy answering their questionnaires, a payroll officer who falsify their pay slip, wait staff who put dirt on their frantic customers’ food, a helper who swipes the twenty peso bill left by the Boss, those who do not pay their bus fare, those who throw at shit you once you turn your back, even sitting on the most comfortable seat in the house waiting for that shit to come out, taking a bath alone and naked on the virgin island of Palawan,

Pano nga kaya kung gayon?

We are all actors and actresses acting the way we want, not knowing that somebody is responsible for the act that we are doing. There would come a day when we can watch our own lives, as if in a movie. All we know is we are responsible for everything, but the truth is… it was directed by somebody, that the entire thing we did either right or wrong was actually a script for us to execute…

What if?...

3's about me

2006-11-01T12:55:00.000-08:00

3 NAMES by which i GO:
1. Paulo
2. Pau
3. Pauwee

3 THINGS i least like ABOUT mySELF:
1. I’m chubby
2. I fall in love easily
3. my “suplado” exterior

3 persons WHO MAKE me LAUGH:
1. Dan
2. Bajoy (officemate ko na makulit)
3. Ruffa Mae

3 THINGS i LOVE:
1. Being with Dan
2. His scent
3. My Shoes

3 THINGS I abhor:
1. Back stubbers
2. Liars
3. feelingerang wala naman dapat i-feel!!!

3 THINGS I NEED EVERY DAY (aside from the obvious)
1. Cell phone
2. DKNY case
3. Cigarette

3 THINGS I am DOING RIGHT NOW:
1. Blogging
2. Monitoring calls
3. Thinking about my Bebe

3 THINGS I CAN'T DO yet:
1. Get my own car ( don't know to drive and wala pa akong pera)
2. Go back to school (gusto ko muna mag trabaho
3. Shopping ( if only there is a mall open at this hour 4:58am pwede pa siguro hehehe)

3 OF my FAVORITE BRANDS:
1. Lacoste
2. Bench
3. Folded and Hung

3 OF my FAVORITE SONGS @ THE MOMENT:
1. Gravity- John Mayer
2. Shifting sand- Caedmon’s Call
3. Sexy Back –Justin Timberlake

3 OF MY ABSOLUTEly FAVORITE FOOD:
1. My pasta- with tuna (brined with olives), fresh tomatoes, garlic, cheese (yummy)
2. Ice cream with pistachio bits
3. Fried Chicken sa Gutson’s (sarap sarap, maybe you should try this and asked it to be served by either Cindy or Dianne)

3 THINGS I WOULD LIKE TO LEARN:
1. Learn how not be over dramatic when it comes to my love ones. I am too mushy! And I hate it!!
2. Learn how to be more conversational, smart talker.
3. Learn how to play the guitar/piano (my frustration)

3 THINGS i WANT REALLY BAD RIGHT NOW:
1. To have this relationship work
2. To be with my bebe
3. Ipod!!!!!!!!!

November 1,2006 dapat nasa sementeryo ako ngayon preo nandito asko sa office.. may Over time 10 Hrs! Imagine!!!!!!

Zodiac Sign

2006-10-30T10:38:00.000-08:00

Symbol: The Lion
Element: Fire
Group: Intellectual
Polarity: Positive
Favorable Colors: Gold/ Orange
Key Body Part: Heart & Spine
Ruling Planet: Sun
Cross/Quality: Fixed
House Ruled: Fifth
Opposite Sign: Aquarius
Lucky Gem: Ruby
Period: July 23 - Aug. 22

Basic Profile:
Outgoing, warm, friendly, generous, loyal, likable, entertaining, likes attention, confident, cheerful, creative, strong-willed, charismatic, proud, extrovert, but can be demanding, dogmatic, controlling, afraid of rejection

Famous Leos:
Whitney Houston, Fidel Castro, George Bernard Shaw, Madonna, Andy Warhol, Robert Redford, Dustin Hoffman, Napoleon, Alfred, Hitchcock, Carl Jung, Mae West, Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, Robert De Niro, Tipper Gore, Arnold Scharzenegger, Herman Melville, Stanley Kubrick, Peter O'Toole, Emily Bronte, Amelia Earhart, Bill Clinton, Monica Lewinsky

LEO BABY:
Leos are the natural performers of the zodiac and your baby will absolutely love it from a very early age if you sing to them.
As soon as they are able they will be singing along and nothing makes a Leo baby feel as good as a round of applause when they’ve managed to work their way through their first nursery rhyme. The Leo infant can have a tendency to be over dramatic so don’t feel too concerned when they tell you the tallest tales about how far they just fell or how high they just climbed, but do be sure to look extremely impressed.
Your little one loves to be watched and to be centre stage. By the time they start school they will probably have found a little corner in the living room that is their special place from which they can try out their songs and recitals.

i'm so fuckin' bored!!!!!!

DELUSION

2006-10-25T10:51:00.000-07:00

I just visited somebody else’s blog while doing this pre-call for the in-house test of sauces and roux (who cares?!), and I’ve read that somebody told him that blogging is just for lonely people! ( Hello!!! Read my blog!!) hehehe, but I admit, that some of my previous posts were depressing, quite true, but not all…

Blog is not just for prolific writers who can easily put their thoughts into words, unlike me, a lousy blogger crashed into the blogosphere trying to fit myself into the creative minds of bloggers. I just wanna air my side. And I want to break the delusion that blog is not just for people who can write straight English, but also for those who wanted to speak their minds. Sa wikang Ingles lang ba pwedeng magsulat??!!

FRUSTRATIONS…

2006-10-23T10:13:00.000-07:00

I am a frustration..

From the day I was born, I already was a frustration to my parents. My family seems to be a perfect family before I was born. I have a sister, the first born child in our family. Followed by three sons, unfortunately she have to leave the world, she was taken by God’s hand and she really have to leave. That time, my parents decided to have another kid, hoping that it could be a girl. My mom got pregnant. By that time, ultrasound is out of the technology yet. So they do not know whether I am a boy or a girl. After nine months in my mom’s womb, I saw the earth, and they all got frustrated coz what they saw is a small hanging muscle between my legs. I dunno how frustrated they were that time, if there could only be means on knowing what my gender was, I could have been aborted. They even have a name prepared if I were a girl. Unfortunately, what came out is a bastard baby boy. After 6 years with my family, I got sick. I was anemic, I’ve undergone blood transfusion, bone marrow operation. I could have killed if it wasn’t discovered earlier. It might have turned to leukemia. It cost them too much for the hospitalization. I really feel guilty.

Years had passed, and I was about to graduate high school. And I really wanted to be a pharmacist or accountant. But my mom insisted to take an Engineering degree. I can’t do anything just to follow. I don’t have the right to abide on what they want. I have to follow what they want. I took an entrance examination oi this University in Baguio City. Luckily I passed. After five years, I flanked, I decided not to go to school anymore and I wanted to have a job. I failed to give them what they want. I wasn’t able to give them the Diploma that they wanted to receive unlike my three siblings. I was bum for two months. And on the net I submitted my resume online, and luckily I found a job. This is where I am right now. My first job and I have been here for two years and three months. I still haven’t decided if I would continue my degree on the same university. I really wanted to finish the degree they wanted me to take. I want to prove them that I am not a frustration; I want them to see my worth… my worth that nobody seems to notice... Not even a glance…

I was awakened by a nudge…

2006-10-20T15:25:00.000-07:00

I noticed that my recent blog postings seem to be senseless.
Is it just the recent or all my posts were?
I am not a good writer; I hardy put my thoughts into words, grammar as well. I tried not to compare but I really can’t just stop comparing. Damn.. I feel so low.. I feel so down. Maybe I could just stop blogging for a while…

Shifting Sand

2006-10-20T10:39:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I believe all the lies
So I can do the things I should despise
And every day I am swayed
By whatever is on my mind

I hear it all depends on my faith
So I'm feeling precarious
The only problem I have with these mysteries
Is they're so mysterious

And like a consumer I've been thinking
If I could just get a bit more
More than my 15 minutes of faith,
Then I'd be secure

My faith is like shifting sand
Changed by every wave
My faith is like shifting sand
So I stand on grace

I've begged you for some proof
For my Thomas eyes to see
A slithering staff, a leprous hand
And lions resting lazily

A glimpse of your back-side glory
And this soaked altar going ablaze
But you know I've seen so much
I explained it away

My faith is like shifting sand
Changed by every wave
My faith is like shifting sand
So I stand on grace

Waters rose as my doubts reigned
My sand-castle faith, it slipped away
Found myself standing on your grace
It'd been there all the time

My faith is like shifting sand
Changed by every wave
My faith is like shifting sand
So I stand on grace

FORUM

2006-10-17T15:30:00.000-07:00

Do I really need to know everything?

“What you don’t know won’t hurt you” the most acclaimed adage by those people who wants to keep their secret a secret. But which hurts more? Do you think knowing better and finding the answers to all the questions lingering into your mind feels great? Or would you rather keep yourself wondering on what Ifs of our lives?

Post you thoughts.....

Together again…

2006-10-16T10:05:00.000-07:00

Its been like 2 or 3 years since the last time I was with them, my college friends.
We actually met thru common friends, introduced with each other and how funny that we get along more often than those of my friends who introduced us with each other. Gimbals, cactus, Nevada square, out of towns, beaches, night outs… I’ve been with them for almost 3 years in Baguio, after the graduation, we parted ways and lived our different lives.

After 2-3 years, somebody missed me a call.. I texted her asking how is she doing, then jolted with her reply telling me that three of our friends from Baguio will come to town to visit us. I was surprised! She planned that we’ll be having an overnight this weekend, somewhere in Puerto Galera… even though I just got there last month, due to my request, we ended up in Tagaytay. Hehehe thanks for the consideration Jo. 

After Friday shift (Saturday morning), before going to galera, my bebe asked me if we could have breakfast together before I go to Tagaytay, and have a couple bottles of beer.
After then, I went home, packed my bag, and went to Tagaytay. I reached the place at around 8 o’clock, they fetch me after VIDEO-OKE fever concert. We went to our cottege, take a rest for a few minutes, threw some updates. After which, we went to Leslie’s, a cozy and nice restaurant overlooking the taal lake. We had our dinner together, heavy dinner. Hehehehe. While eating, we happened to hear the band playing at the restaurant right next to us. After we had our dinner, picture taking, picture,picture and picture… we went to Café Lupe, the resto bar right next to Leslie’s. we had bottle of beers together with the inviting groovy songs played by the band. I enjoy being with my friends after such a long time. But I think it would be much happier if my bebe was with me. ~sigh~

I missed you guys!
hope we could do this more often...

I'm Feeling You

2006-10-11T11:44:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I imagine the world without you
But most times, I’m just so happy that I ever found you
It’s a complicated web, that you weave inside my head
So much pleasure with such pain
Hope we always, always stay the same

I’m feelin’ the way you cross my mind
And you save me in the knick of time
I’m ridin’ the highs, I’m diggin’ the lows
‘Cause at least I feel alive
I’ve never faced so many emotional days
But my life is good
I’m feelin’ you
I’m feelin’ you

You go, and then I can finally breathe in
‘Cause baby I know, in the end you’re never leavin’
Well we’re rarely ever sane, I drive you crazy and you do the same
But your fire fills my soul
And it warms me up like no one knows

'Cause I’m feelin’ the way you cross my mind
And you save me in the knick of time
I’m ridin’ the highs, I’m diggin’ the lows
‘Cause at least I feel alive
I’ve never faced so many emotional days
But my life is good
I’m feelin’ you
I’m feelin’ you

I’m feelin’ the way you cross my mind
And you save me in the knick of time
I’m ridin’ the highs, I’m diggin’ the lows
‘Cause at least I feel alive
I’ve never faced so many emotional days
I'm feelin' you
I'm feelin' you
I'm feelin' you
Oh I'm feelin' you

Oh I’m feelin’ the way that you cross my mind
And the way that you save me in the knick of time
Oh I’m feelin’ the way when you walk on by
I feel light, I feel love, I feel butterflies
I feel butterflies

Piece Of Glass

2006-10-10T08:53:00.000-07:00

Can’t believe that I did it again
Wake me up from this nightmare
Cause this monster is wasting my away and taking my days

Every day I live a bit less; one night leads to another
Even if I went back would they recognize me or criticize me

Who are you that lies when you stare in my face
Telling me that I’m just a trace of the person I once was
Cause I just can't tell if you're telling the truth or a lie
On you I just can't rely
After all you're just a piece of glass

Still I control this nightmare, when I call it answers
But I can't tell it when to come, or when to stay

Who are you that lies when you stare in my face
Telling me that I’m just a trace of the person I once was
Cause I just can't tell if you're telling the truth or a lie
On you I just can't rely
After all you're just a piece of glass

Don’t talk, listen
Hold me tighter
Stay with me just for a while
Until the sun shines stay with me
Just give me one more day

Who are you that lies when you stare in my face
Telling me that I’m just a trace of the person I once was
Cause we're not the same, you're just a picture of me
You’re gone as soon as I leave; you've lived my life for me
And you're no more than a piece of glass
You're no more than just a piece of glass

Sam and Tom

2006-10-05T15:12:00.000-07:00

I was a lonely soul looking for someone who can fill the voids in my life. I wasn’t exactly in the look-out but the TV chat on cable got me curious. Could I really find someone interesting there? I took the chance. Lucky me, some people responded. I agreed to meet up with my first prospect, he seemed nice at first but I felt later on that he was just looking for someone to milk on. Then there’s this other guy. Kinda mysterious and suplado. Got me interested. We started texting, his answers were brief but interesting and friendly at the same time.

I got hooked, he sent me a MMS message with his pics. I was drawn. I wanted to meet up with him, but he said he wasn’t ready, I obliged. We exchanged IM screen names and we started chatting. We became closer to each other. I was able to force him to go for a breakfast date with me. I came to the rendezvous earlier than him. As I wait impatiently I kept asking myself, am I really going forward with this? I said, what the heck, if he turns out to be a psycho that’s fine, at least I got to experienced dating one, right?

Then he came all dressed up in a cute knitted shirt and Italian shoes. He smelled great. We had breakfast, he was so cute being conscious. He even rolled down the sleeves of his all the way to his palms. He was doing this clapping motion and repeatedly shaking his head when I ask him if he’s shy. He was charmingly embarrassed. His vulnerability was just magnetic. I felt my body gravitate towards his charisma. I was falling and falling.

I ended up taking him to my apartment. I said to myself that I can’t let him go without me kissing him that day. I was successful. I had the first taste of his lips. Locked in each other’s arms we explored each other’s mouth with our mighty tongues. I was in heaven. I discovered that he was ticklish in the waist; I went on a mission to tickle him every chance that I get. I didn’t want him to leave, but he had to. As he stepped out of my gate, I asked myself, am I just lonely or and on the brink of falling in love?

To be continued…..

Let's Play A Game

2006-10-04T15:35:00.000-07:00

Read a group of simple words aloud, like "ASK RUDE ARRIVE HER". Do you "hear" the answer? Try saying them again. Sound familiar? Quick, the timer's tickin'. Did you hear yourself say "A Screwdriver"?!
You and your teammates have 30 seconds to sound out three puzzles. Guess right and snatch that card! Miss it and the other team can steal the point!
O.K., the timer is set, the card flipper is loaded, and everyone's ready for a laugh riot! Just remember, that when it comes to scoring points in MAD GAB...
"It's Not What You SAY, It's What You HEAR!"

Wheel Yum Air Ream He
Eye Needle Ax Eight If
Abe high hollow cheat each her
Abe who beat wrap
Hit Seven Cent
Wide hidden juke all
Know Whiff Fans Herb Huts
Abe hum pen thin height
Amen Ask Hurt
Aisle me chew have weigh
WIDE HIDDEN CHEWS HAZE HOE
Cry Muffin Owe Cents
Huff Oral Heave Glow Fur
Thou Sundial Undress Sing
around Dove Apple Laws
Thief lower duck ease
Stub her neigh same yule
up racked hick gulch oak
Ice Mail Ask Hunk
Know Ozark
Day Leo Fur Rings
Plea stake arrow fit
Owe verb herring
Uppers enough heist hand herds
Will saw Rim Ocean
Gasp hype line
Lie turf Lou hid
Weedy surf twin
Koala deep rod ducks
Abe odd hull luck oak
Dawn turnip yearn hose
Up ape herbal eight
Canoes he wad ice he
Hit Sewn Leed Ember Hairy
Knots Hole Dens Tores
Sea Grit Dress Up Ease
Rye doubt these dorm
Eye pillow fizz sign
Pill Are Offs Halt
Eight Weeds Hoot
Crate Boss Huff Higher
Deep Lays Wasp Act
Might Hung Waste Hide
Hit Say How Sold Whirred
Aisle luvy pin yawns

Have fun! :)

Post your answrers!

septemBLOG

2006-09-29T08:37:00.000-07:00

Lows

- Deadline of Sara Lee made me sick
- working 11 hours a day, Monday thru Friday
- overtime Saturday urghhh
- argued with ma bebe, I almost lost him

Highs

- Sara Lee is over
- went to Tagaytay
- bought new shoes
- had my hair done
- went to Galera with ma bebe, it was a perfect getaway
- I kissed my bebe many times
- hugged my bebe many times
- I slept with my bebe for two nights
- drink with me bebe
- beach bumming with ma bebe
- adventurous trip from Puerto Galera to Batangas Port
- Lunch date wit ma bebe

My Highs and Lows fir the month of September, Lows, forget it…
Highs- looking forward that these will happen again, hopefully this October or probably next month. Being with your love one whether good or bad makes me feel great. The feeling of security is there, that no matter what happen, my bebe will always be there for me especially when we were on our trip going back to Batangas Port. The Boat really wrecks, you can hear it screeching as if it will be damaged any moment during the voyage, good thing am wit ma bebe. Hay.. Thanks you so much bebe.

I love you bebe ko! Mwuahhhh

IT'S OVER.....

2006-09-20T08:39:00.000-07:00

September 19,2006
Deadliest deadline for Sara Lee, shift is 8-4, and I came in late! I arrived at 8:03! Imagine! That god damn three minutes! Everybody’s busy, bombarding them with call transfers from appointment setters (Thanks Lea, Shane :))

You know the soundtrack of high school musical (we’re all on this together)?

Together, together, together everyone
Together, together, come on lets have some fun
Together, were there for each other every time
Together together come on lets do this right

Here and now its time for celebration
I finally figured it out (yeah yeah)
That all our dreams have no limitations
That's what its all about

Everyone is special in their own way
We make each other strong (each other strong)
Were not the same
Were different in a good way
Together's where we belong

We're all in this together
Once we know
That we are
We're all stars
And we see that
We're all in this together
And it shows
When we stand
Hand in hand
Make our dreams come true

Together, together, together everyone
Together, together, come on lets have some fun
Together, were there for each other every time
Together together come on lets do this right

We're all here
and speaking out with one voice
we're going to rock the house (YEAH YEAH!)
the party's on now everybody make some noise
come on scream and shout

We've arrived becuase we stuck together
Champions one and all

We're all in this together
Once we know
That we are
We're all stars
And we see that
We're all in this together
And it shows
When we stand
Hand in hand
Make our dreams come

We're all in this together
When we reach
We can fly
Know inside
We can make it
We're all in this together
Once we see
There’s a chance
That we have
And we take it

Wild cats sing along
Yeah, you really got it goin' on
Wild cats in the house
Everybody say it now
Wild cats everywhere
Wave your hands up in the air
That's the way we do it
Lets get to it
Time to show the world

We're all in this together
Once we know
That we are
We're all stars
And we see that
We're all in this together
And it shows
When we stand
Hand in hand
Make our dreams come

We're all in this together
When we reach
We can fly
Know inside
We can make it
We're all in this together
Once we see
There’s a chance
That we have
And we take it

Wild cats everywhere
Wave your hands up in the air
That's the way we do it
Let's get to it
Come on everyone!

Hahahaha! This song actually helped motivate my agents, singing for them while having a survey, commending them for doing a good job, makes them feel good whenever they nail a survey, wow! It’s a fun night! Pressure is on, yet enjoying it until its finally over… this was the biggest project I worked on so far since I got promoted as a TL… I couldn’t have done this without the help of my colleagues. Thanks Bajoy Sharon and my Sup Jake. Good experience, as long as you’re all working together, nothing is impossible… three heads are better than one as what they say… Thank God! Now, here we go again with another huge project (VISTA) whew! Let’s think about that later aright? I’m looking forward to this Galera getaway this Saturday!!! Till then bloggers!!!!

FUN FUN FUN!!!

drudge

2006-09-16T11:01:00.000-07:00

Imagine yourself working 6 days a week, 11 hours a day.
Who wouldn’t get tired of it?

Whew! Deadline is fast approaching and yet this project ruined my social life. Submerging oneself into work? I am not a hero, I am not a diva. I get tired, I can feel stress and I want to take a rest. Sleeping four hours everyday is not enough to gain more energy for everyday vim… I can’t even finish the book that I have started reading… poor…

Having a hectic schedule such mine will find no time to indulge him into an out of town trip;but me??? nah.. I will still find a time for me to unwind. Do I have a choice? I have to… I have to function well, or else… urghhh…

Sunday after shift, I went to Tagaytay just to eschew this busy urban living just for a few hours. Not enough to cast all the feelings and thoughts that I’ve lost… Anyhow…

Feels great!!!!!!

Then after, I am ready to combat again... Not enough to say that I felt good after I went there but it really helped. Yes it does…

Come Monday, I feel a bit refreshed, ready to combat with all the challenges I have in life… some murky thoughts were bit enlightened…

Sometimes, I feel like giving up, my threshold of temper is getting low, I feel like getting angry on the little wrong things that they’ve done. I feel like my patience is getting short. And I know it’s not me… aging? Would that be of the reason why? Who knows? Nyahahaha

September 19, 2006, Deadline of Sara Lee. Every single day I’m getting busier, enervating days. I am really looking forward on the 20th of September. Going to work the way I used to. Fresh, with a smile on my face which everybody noticed when it’s suddenly fading away, composed, confident, radiant, confident…

Paulo....

2006-09-09T12:52:00.000-07:00

DEPRESSION

"I am now the most miserable man living. If what I feel were equally distributed to the whole human family, there would be not one cheerful face on earth. Whether I shall ever be better, I cannot tell. I awfully forebode I shall not. To remain as I am is impossible. I must die or be better it appears to me."
--Abraham Lincoln

It is common for people to speak of how "depressed" they are. However, the occasional sadness everyone feels due to life's disappointments is very different from the serious illness caused by a brain disorder. Depression profoundly impairs the ability to function in everyday situations by affecting moods, thoughts, behaviors, and physical well-being.

People have different set of moods, attitudes, thoughts, and behaviors. Dealing with people varies depending on how they act and react. One has to learn on how to deal with them the right way, if treated them otherwise, it might into a bad feeling called depression.

Depression can lead into something worst than what you expect.

I am depressed…

Lots of thoughts coming through my mind, colliding, don’t know what to prioritize…
Lots of things I would like to do, yet, they are not materializing. Why? Coz i depend on the people I am bounded with. Friends…They are my happiness. I feel like I can’t leave without them. I am attached with those people who I spend the happiest moment of my life. My friends… Real Friends, people I rely to whenever I have problems, always there the support me when trials comes my way. Friends who are willing to break all the barriers just to be with you when you need them the most… friends became my inspiration, friends that you can’t trust. Reel friends are bummers… The hell with them! Backstabbers

I love being alone sometimes, especially when I am under the cradle of nature.. I love the serenity, the wind blowing my worries away, the sea that washes away my tears, and the earth where I burry all the bad memories of the past. I want to escape the noise, busy, fast paced lifestyle of the urban living. I need a break… I am tired… I am withered…
I need to find myself… I need to bring back the real Paulo, The Enthusiastic Paulo, the motivated Paulo, The focused Paulo, the Confident Paulo.. This is not me.. This is not the real Paulo that everybody knew.. he’s different… very different…

Let me hide to my haven for a short while.. and be ready for my new Paulo…

HOW TIME FLIES

2006-09-09T08:36:00.000-07:00

This was the mums that was given to me...
For just a month.. it was already withered..

Thursday, ‘twas my bebe’s birthday, I didn’t see him for some reasons. Sad, but I can’t do anything about it. It’s my choice; I entered this relationship so I have to accept all the consequences though it’s hard. I love my bebe so much. I am willing to do everything just to keep our relationship. You must be wondering what kind of relationship I have. Well, it’s kind of bit complicated but this usually happens, it’s just not all of us are aware of it but it does happens. And if you found out that kind of relationship we have, you might curse me! Well, do anything what you want to do, say all that you want to say but I don’t a give a damn! I’m happy with it, it’s my choice, I know where I stand so no regrets at all. Friday, our day, we decided to make Friday as our day, breakfast, rest, malling, movie, dinner, and then office our usual stuff. Friday, I went home tired, I haven’t got enough sleep, I went to the office an hour before our shift to prepare all the things that we need for the recognition, then the usual shift, then after our shift, we had our recognition and it lasted for two hours. It was already past ten when I finally got home, teary eyed due to the sun’s brightest light. Went to bed at around ten thirty and yet I can’t sleep; I continued the book that I was reading (MASTER OF THE GAME by SIDNEY SHELDON), flipping the pages… Then finally my eyes are getting heavy. When I was about to start dreaming, my grandma woke me up coz the people arrived to furnish the cabinet that my aunt just bought. My cousin arrived at around one, so I let him man the workers so I could sleep even just and hour before my date. I woke up at around two in the afternoon; I received a message from him to move out date for an hour. He finally arrived. We decided to watch a movie, then dinner after. we’ll this Friday, I don’t know what have he eaten but he accompanied me to my work place, sweet, it was the first time in my entire life to have my boo accompany me from galleria to commonwealth avenue! Whoa! I felt like I was the luckiest man in the world! I know it usually happens but not in my case. Then after, took my bebe’s trip from Commonwealth Avenue all the way to Cavite, I know its quite a bit far, but he insisted to drop me off to my work place. I was so worried for him, I make sure he replies to my SMS before he reached his abode.. Finally, 12MN, I received his message informing me that he finally reached his destination after that two-hour trip. Thank god!

Whoaaaaa!!!!
How time flies.. It’s been like a month since I met this guy, and now, we came back to where we started... As friends, well, maybe we’re good in friends but bad in intimacy.
He finally broke the silence, the silence that I’ve been anticipating. After having his long weekend due to holiday, Monday, he finally decided to stop the crap that we had. We really find hard time seeing each other that often, I try to endeavor every time we have to meet, but I can’t see any effort on his part. I felt like I’ve been taken for granted. We’ll, every time I remember that scenario, when I was supposed to take a picture of this agent being recognized, when everybody starts teasing us, and all I said to shun them up was” well… I’m taken”… it’s only now I realized that… yes I am, I am taken.. TAKEN for granted… sad to say, but i think, I really am taken for granted… Pathetic Paulo…
We’ll. I finally told this guy, if we could just go back to where we started, as friends, and so we agreed. ~sigh~

I really do not know what have I done before… why is this happening to me?
I’ve been being honest every time I enter a relationship but it seems like it does not work… I really can’t figure it out. If only one could tell me why, I would truly appreciate it…

Please tell me why…
I don’t have an idea…

K-BEAT

2006-08-26T15:32:00.000-07:00

Why are we afraid of losing our valuables?

• We love them so much, that we can’t live without them?
• Afraid of what other people MIGHT say?
• We are so much attached, we feel incomplete without them?
• It feels bad, that we worked so hard to have/get them and it would just disappear in just a snap?
Why do we feel that way?
Life is full of changes, as what they say “NOBODY IS PERMANENT IN THIS WORLD EXCEPT CHANGE”. True, it’s just a matter on how we handle things. We have to embrace all the valuables that we have right now, but be sure that we leave something for us, be ready for all the things that might happen. Life is too short, we never know when will it end, if it’s your time, it’s your time, if its not, then be it. Changes happen every single day. Some might be healthy today, tomorrow they’re not, wealthy today, and tomorrow they’re not, good looking today, soon wrinkles starts to show.
Same with LOVE, everybody loves the feeling of being in love. It feels heaven, a butterfly on your stomach, a magic! You can’t see it but you can feel it, it’s indescribable.
Love is a feeling that nobody wants to get out of it. Then why are some people afraid to love? Maybe it’s because they do not want to get hurt? Getting hurt is part of love. You’ll never learn until you fall, and you’ll never reach the top unless you’ll start at the bottom. So don’t be afraid! Take a risk! As long as you are happy with what you are doing! Go ahead! Love as if there is no tomorrow, complement each other, if you love criticizing then criticize with love, don’t be angry at the same time, don’t yell at each other even though the relationship is on fire, if someone has to win an argument, let it be your love, never bring up the mistakes of the past, neglect the whole world rather than each other, when you’ve done something wrong, be ready to admit it and ask for apology. Always have LOVE, CARE and UNDERSTANDING everyday! Loving someone would always have a reason behind it, it might not be the same reason when they started admiring you, but there would always be a reason why that person loves you. Try to complement them every single day, and of course, try to please them the best way you could. Do things that you think can make them happy, but if it turned out to be the other way around, don’t feel bad, you just tried to please him anyway, next time don’t do it again. Hold each others hands every time you have the opportunity. They might be holding somebody else’s hands but not the same way you do. But don’t forget to love yourself, so just in case it might fail, you would still have LOVE for yourself. If you fail a relationship, let it die, don’t die with it. So if you are in love while reading this message! Go tell your love one on what and how you feel!! Heart beats faster every time it hears the magic word ( I LOVE YOU as long as they mean it!)

Thanks for reading!
‘Till then visitors!!! 

Bothered Paupau

2006-08-08T13:39:00.000-07:00

Wuaaaahhhhh!!!
Me myself don’t even know the reason why I’m acting strange after I took my leave last Friday. My colleagues says that I’m out of my own self, most them told me that I look so gloomy, unenthusiastic, moody, which is very unusual. Let me try to go back on what had happened those days that I left before I came back to work.

Friday- went to Greenhills to buy ipod- unfortunately; I wasn’t able to have one. I’m confused, since am not ready yet to have an ipod?? Mmmm.. Maybe... Tom bought a couple set of mums, and before he leave, he gave me the other pot(sweet) thanks Tom! ;-) I went home, without anything aside from those mums that tom gave me.

I slept.. woke up at around 9pm.. Watched television went to bed and tuned in to the radio station I always listen to.

Saturday- Woohooo!!! My birthday! I went a notch closer to me death as what they say. It’s Rainy Saturday morning. SMS started coming in to greet me a happy birthday. Thanks for those who remembered my special day, to those who haven’t, the Hell with y’all! Hahaha, kidding. Anyway, it’s already been 12nn high noon when I went to Sta. Lucia to buy some ingredients for my carbonara and buffalo chicken wings. Yummy! I arrived at around 2pm, tired, kinda wet and a bit excited. My aunt will arrive from Italy at around 8pm. So I have to cook. I cooked carbonara, buffalo chicken wings, pinakbet, and my cousin bought shrimps and sweet and sour lapu-lapu ( mouth watering). We had dinner together, had some chit chats, gave us some gifts, watched television and back to bed to have some rest after a long, tiring, and stressful day.

Sunday- Mmmm.. I cooked breakfast, we had sunny side up and skinless longanisa. My cousin called and told us that they will go and visit the house. They will be joining us for lunch. So I cooked the food for lunch. I had tilapia grilled and liempo as well. We’re done with our lunch at around 1:30 pm. After we ate our lunch, i prepared my clothes for a movie date at around 4pm. Furnished. Then after few minutes I received a text from my date that something emergency came up, and we need to cancel it. Damn! I think if I’m not mistaken, we planned this a week ahead right?! Anyway, enough, I know that when somebody hears word EMERGENCY, nothing can stop it, whatever or whoever the hell you are. It’s an EMERGENCY!! DON”T YOU GET IT?!!! Fine! I tried to act as if nothing happened, but I couldn’t, I feel so disappointed and upset. Grrrr.. I suddenly lost my mood. I texted contacted my high school friends, Licelle and Ivy Joy, to have some conversation over a cup of coffee, luckily, Licelle replied and she was in Galleria that time, Whew! Thank God! So I rushed myself and went to the mall as fast as I could. When I reached the place, they were still attending the mass. I walked around and I spotted this shirt with print FYOU! Nice! So I took it, just a gift for myself on my birthday.  Poor boy. Anyway, I met Licelle and her friend at Compass.net, lower ground floor of the mall, beside Gold’s gym. So after, we agreed to have coffee at Gloria jeans, upon entering the bar, Liz’s friend suggested if we could just have coffee at metro walk. And after, we could also have our dinner there and have some bottle of beers. Great idea! Why not?!
So we waited for a cab, and took a ride. We had coffee, took a sip, smoke, and a lot of conversation. After which, we went to the Baratillo part of metro walk, I spent almost a thousand bucks just for the DVD. Grrrrr.. I can’t even imagine, I hardly even spend a thousand for my shirt, how come when it comes to this pirated DVDs, I spent almost a thousand?! Since when did I become an addict watching DVDs? Damn!! I think I’m sick seeking for something I never had before.. and I don’t even know what it was! But.. I don’t know.. I really don’t know. All I know is that I can spend the whole weekend watching all these DVDs I bought without standing, not even to blink an eye, not eating, not even going to the comfort room and whatsoever blah blah blah… whew! After we bought DVD, we went to Yahoo to fill in these empty stomachs. We we’re having barbeque chicken and pork. Yummy, before we finish our plates, we saw Keana Reeves heading to Yahoo. Shala! With all the Pas and everything!!! Anyway, after we had our dinner, we went to Dencio’s to have a couple bottle of beers while waiting for the rain to stop, just enough before we throw ourselves to bed. I arrived at around 11 o’clock, sleepy, yet so excited to watch all the DVDs I bought. I tried watching but my eyes are falling off their sights, I can’t resist. I turned off that player and cuddle the pillow on the sofa. Then I started dreaming.. I woke up at around 8:30 the next day. Monday. Wheew! Brand new day, brand new challenges, brand new life to deal with. I can’t imagine that I am already 24? At my age? What have I done? Did I do good for the past few years of my existence? Did I make someone happy? Have I touched somebody else’s life? Now, I’m starting to figure out why am I living in this world. In a world where all living creatures has a purpose. Oh yeah? How come I don’t know mine?

I think that’s ONE of the reason why I’m acting strange.. but the main reason why??
Check my blog from time to time…

Nyahahaha! Ciao!!!

Till then visitors!!

August 3, 2006 a couple more days before my birthday!

2006-08-03T05:41:00.000-07:00

August 3, 2006

2 am. Thursday!
End of shift for Wednesday shift. I did my errands before I left the office, went to the basement and have some breathing exercise. Then I saw Sarah, our previous QA went here to fetch his boo which happened to be one my agents.” Hi Hello! How are you?!” I was supposed to go home right after two sticks of Marlboro when she invited to go somewhere else and have some bottle of beers. I really don’t wanna drink that time coz am not feeling well. I made a deal: I will go with you but let’s just eat some kebab, I really don’t want to drink. So we went to Q. Ave and ate Persian burger and have a yoghurt shake. Yummy! After we finish our food, waited for a cab and they went to Timog for some bottle of beers, I didn’t go with them. They dropped me at Tomas Morato and waited for a cab and had my way home. I arrived at around 4:30am. I opened the television, clicked on the remote control and then I started yawning. I turned the TV off. Closed my eyes, cuddle my pillow and I fell asleep.
8 am, I found myself in the sofa, so I transferred to my bed and back on dreaming.
“walking away downtown…” my alarm clock! I need to wake up.

I left my abode at around 5:45, I left a bit earlier than yesterday so I won’t be late unfortunately, when I reached Tropical where I was supposed to get a ride bound to Sandigan,(by the way, our office is located somewhere in Quezon City. when I suddenly remember the book my colleagues were talking about. ‘Twas a book called “tutubi tutubi wag kang pahuhuli sa mamang salbahe by: Jun Cruz Reyes, so I went to National Bookstore to buy it, when I came in and started looking for it, damn! I can’t find it! (Really hard if you’re not a bookstore rat) it’s taking my time, 20 minutes had passed and yet I haven’t found the book I was looking for. I even asked the saleslady if they have it, she just shrugged her shoulders at me. Hay… lingering, I saw Jessica Zafra’s books, the last time I read her book(TWISTED) was when I was still in college, if I’m not mistaken second year college that time. I was kinda frustrated when I didn’t find the book I was looking for, due to frustrations, I bought Jessica Zafra’s TWISTED FLICKS.

Running to the terminal, took the fx and left at around 6:15 I started reading miss Z’s book and I found out that it was about movie reviews, SHOOT! I should have bought this book before I watched the movie “MATCH POINT” hehe.. The movie I watched yesterday, remember?! It’s getting dark so I stopped browsing the book.

6:45 “pull over!” I went down from the fx rushing to cross the street coz I still need to take one more ride before I reach the office. I rode a jeep, pay my fare and wait till it reaches the JOCFER building.

Running down from the jeepney, rushing to the elevator, pressed the 6th floor “Ding Dong!” I went out fast as if I couldn’t wait for the elevator to open! I looked up to the clock!!! Geez!!! It’s 6:57!!! Hahaha! I wasn’t late!!!! Woohoo!!!!

Whew! I’m almost late! I arrived in the office at around 6:57! Whew! Ice breaker!

Guys in the pantry are waiting for me for the seat plan. Guys! It’s time already! Seat plan is the same as yesterday

I ran to my pc to open my computer, opened my mail and check the seat plan! There you go! Just on time! Whew!

August 2, 2006

2006-08-02T09:49:00.000-07:00

August 2, 2006
Wednesday..
6am we ended the Tuesday shift. Before I went home we had a meeting about dividing the team into two, one team would go for 6pm to 2 am while the other is having the usual shift, which is 10pm to 6am. Just to check the trends on how well they perform depending on the time zones.

We had draw-lots on who’s going to be the members who would come in at 6 and 10.
And of course who will handle those people. I prefer to come in at 6pm, coz it’s been quite a while since I had my last Gimmick. Party all night long, Drink all night and expect for a headache the next day. I miss the nightlife. November 2006 was the last

At around 6:15, I got off the call floor went to the basement and do some breathing exercise.. hahaha you know what I mean.. Yosi break!!! Wooohoo!!! Right after I finished my stick, I went home right away, very excited to watch the DVD I borrowed “MATCH POINT” tragic movie.

A one-time tennis pro, Chris Wilton (Jonathan Rhys Meyers) was used to falling just short in his life. But when he befriends Tom Hewett (Matthew Goode) and marries his sister, Chloe (Emily Mortimer), the doors are opened to the kind of money and success that Chris had once only dreamed of having. Chris should have settled for happiness, but he is torn by his attraction to Tom's impossibly beautiful and sensual fiancée, Nola Rice (Scarlett Johansson). The attraction turns to an obsession that forces Chris to make a critical choice. Now everything in his life hinges on whether or not Chris falls short again...and if his luck runs out.

I ate chips for breakfast. wala akong ganang kumain.. I’m so sick and tired of living with this flab!!! How will I get rid of this?? Go to gym and do some workout? Nah... I don’t have time and am lazy enough to go to those freaking gyms!

Anyway, enough of the flab talk. I went to bed at around 10 am to to sleep pero di ako makatulog.. ang daming bagay na pumapasok sa isip ko. I think I fell asleep at around 1 pm and I have to wake up at around 3 to prepare all the stuff that I need. “walking away downtown….” My alarm clock is ringing, it’s already 3 in the afternoon, I need to get off my feet and do my errands, I ate chicken, and thereafter do some breathing exercise before I went to the bathroom. I left my abode ‘round 4:45, need to be in the office before the shift starts. I need to arrange the seat plan for our shift. Meet them before they call rrringggg! 6 pm! “Guys! Seat plan !!”
Start na ng shift.. Monitor, I need to know on how they’re doing with the new shift.
Everything seems to be okay, they had 4 surveys 7-8.. good! 9pm, lunch break, went down stairs and do some breathing exercise again, 2 sticks. Whew!
After the break, 10-6 batch arriving 1 by 1 asking how our shift is doing. With a big smile, “We’re doing great!” we already had 6 before the break which looks fine compared to yesterday’s production. I mean, it’s a good start. Sat down, faced my PC, checked my mail, and checked who’s online.  Let’s have some chit-chat…
Hahaha!!!

12pm: YOSI BREAK..

THE VERSION OF YOU...

2006-07-11T14:53:00.000-07:00

The Best Version of You

Manila International Airport, 2:00 am. It's been two years since
she had last seen the Manila International Airport. Not much has
changed. Her last memory of this airport was when Miguel dropped her off. She was
on her way to New York to pursue a career in Wall Street.

"Promise me something will you? Please don't get married until I
come back?" She jokingly told him as she lifted up her backpack.

"LOL. Very funny. Ikaw ang mag-promise. Promise me you won't run
off with some nerdy economist in the next two years."

"Let's see, shall we. Bye, Miguel. I'll call you as soon I get
to New York."

That was her last memory in this place. The warm Manila air made
her feel a bit restless and yet she feels excited. This is the first time
in two years she'll be seeing Miguel again. She was thoughtfully going
through the immigration counters, thinking of how much she missed seeing
Miguel.
How different would he be now? Sure he sends her regular weekly
e-mails and pictures but being the busy person that she had always been,
she didn't get the time to chat with him and buy a webcam.

She's finally out. "Where is Miguel?" She wondered. "Ah there!"
she exclaimed when she saw the silver gray Nissan Patrol parked near
the exit. TGW926. Yup, that's Miguel alright. Her heart was leaping
ahead of her as the driver got off.

"Hey! I missed you!" He said, as he hugged her.
"I missed you too. So much." She said, as she hugged him back.
It was warm. It felt good to be back. It felt great to feel his
hug. "Let me get those." He said pointing at her luggage. "Then we'll
have more time for hugging and chika."
"Okay."Edsa, 4:30 am. Miguel's cellphone rings. Mama, the name flashes
on the screen."You should really get that."

"No, you should get that. She's been waiting for you. She insist
that we go straight to her after I pick you up form the airport. She also
insist that you spend tomorrow with her." Miguel was talking about her
mother. Miguel was an only child and his mother wanted a daughter. She
would often tell Bea that since she doesn't have a mom anymore, she
should let Tita Doris be her second mom. She loved Bea as if she were her own
daughter.

"Hello? Yes, Tita. How are you nap po?... ah opo. Miguel already
told me. Sige po. Okay po. I'll see you later." She turns off the phone and
looks out the window. The phone rings again, this time the name "Sugar"
flashes on the screen. Hmmm, "Sugar." He was quick. He got a hold of the
phone and answered it. "Hello. Yeah. Pauwi na. I'm with her na. Yeah.
Tomorrow, I will. Promise. We'll see you tomorrow."

We? Is that supposed to mean me and him? See Sugar? Who is Sugar,
anyway? "Who was that?" she couldn't keep herself from asking. "Sugar
ha?"

"I'll introduce her tomorrow. Uwi muna tayo sa bahay. By the way,
kamusta na si Edward?"

"Edward?"
"Oo, si Edward, naalala mo yung boyfriend na iniwan mo sa New
York? Anong klase ka ba naming girlfriend? Kaya hindi kita niligawan eh. Baka
makalimutan mo rin ako."

"Ah si Edward. Hayun. Nasa New York." Miguel has met Edward when
he came to New York to give Bea a surprise visit. He seems a nice guy.
Not the geeky economist Miguel pictured Bea would end up with. He is
actually a cool guy and loves Bea a lot.

"He called me up, a week ago, asking a lot of things about you.
Parang may balak ata?" "Balak na?"

"Tell me, did he propose to you? He sounded like he was going to
propose to you kasi."

"Ah look, here we are at Tita Doris."
At Tita Doris', 4:45 am. A pleasantly plump woman enters the living room.
She was in her mid-fifties, a familiar warm smile and two open
arms. She welcomed Bea, gave her a big hug and kissed her on the cheek. "Hay
anak, kamusta ka na? Na-miss na kita. Pinakain ka ba nito si
Miguel?"
"Opo, Tita." She looked around. Not much has changed in this
house. She remembers spending her college days in this house. She remembers
sinking into Tita Doris' arms when her mom died. She remembers only good
things about this woman. She can't remember a time when she had been
unkind to her and yes, she loves her like her own mother.

"Iha, sabihan mo nga yang si Miguel. Sabihin mo 'wag padalos-dalos
magdesisyon." "Po?"
"Mama naman. Let Bea rest. I'll tell her everything tomorrow."
Miguel interrupted his mother before she can spill the beans.
"Ha? What was that all about?" Bea was curious.
"Bukas na lang."
"Okay. Tita, if it's okay I'll go rest now." She hugged her, and
proceeded to climb the stairs. Miguel followed her carrying her
luggage.m"Alam mo I missed this house. Uy sino ba si Sugar? Tsaka bakit
parang worried nanay mo sa iyo?"
"Bukas na. Sugar is having lunch here."
"Hmmm, intriguing, pero sige. Bukas na." They were both standing as the
door to the guest room. "Alam mo, it's really good to be back in
this house. I'll see you tomorrow."
Tita Doris' 10:00 am. She woke up, sunlight flooding her bedroom.
She was able to rest. She got up, arranged the bed sheets and took a nice,
cold shower. Minutes later, she was down at the garden having brunch with Tita
Doris. "Hi! Tita. Where is Miguel?"
"Sinundo si Sugar."
"Sino ba yang Sugar na yan? Nai-intriga na ako."
"Iha, I'll let Miguel tell you who Sugar is. Promise me something,
though. Whatever happens you'll always be my daughter, Bea?" She felt scared. Why was Tita Doris suddenly serious? "Opo naman."
"Anyway, iha. I heard from Miguel your boyfriend sounded like he was going
to propose a week ago. Did he propose?" Bea looked at her hands, bare of any engagement ring. She looked at Tita Doris and smiled. Before she could answer, Miguel showed up. With him
is a woman she had not seen before. She was of medium frame, shoulder length hair
and looked very feminine.

"Sugar, the sister I never had, Bea. Bea, Sugar, my fiancée`." It felt as
if somebody had thrown cold water on her. His what? Blood rushed to her
head. She blushed. Her cheeks felt very warm. She couldn't swallow. Her
heart beating a hundred beats per minute.

"Your what?" She looked at Miguel, blushing then suddenly white as
with shock. "I'm sorry, Sugar but this is quite a surprise. Miguel
has never mentioned you in any of his e-mails," she said as she
looked at Sugar
witha confused look. She looked at Tita Doris, she looked back as if she
was consoling her.

"Yeah, I got engaged. I'm keeping my promise. I'm getting married on
Saturday. O di ba you're here so in essence I've kept my promise."

She managed to smile faintly. She hugged Miguel and congratulated
him. She even managed to tell Sugar "You got a catch here, girl.
Take good care of him or else I will snatch him under your nose." It sounded as if she was just joking, turning over a very important possession to it's next
owner. In the deepest recesses of her person, she knew she meant it.

"He told me a lot of nice things about you." Sugar said, smiling at
her as if they had been friends for the longest time.

"I'm sure he has."

Lunch was served. All of Bea's favorite Filipino dishes. She and
Sugar spent time chatting the afternoon away, looking at Bea's and Miguel's
college photos and yearbooks. She found out that Sugar likes most of
the things she does. They both came from the same high school. As she tried to get toknow Sugar better during their afternoon chat, she realized that not only
was she perfect for Miguel, she also seemed like the best gal pal Bea could
find.They talked about the wedding details, the dress, the ring, the
shoes,the tiara. They like almost the same places, the same styles, the same
shops. She told Sugar they should do shopping marathon together. Had it
been another day, she would be telling herself that this is really a
great opportunity to find someone who understands her shopping
needs. Except that this is not one of those days? Except that this
woman, this perfect, feminine girlfriend was Miguel's fiancée`.

Bea's phone rings. The name Boyfriend flashes.

"You should really get that" Sugar told Bea.

"Yeah, I guess I should. Hello? Yes? I'm good. I'm here at Miguel's. Oh
I have in front of me Sugar, Miguel's fiancée`." The words almost got
stuck in her throat, but she still managed to give Sugar a smile. "Listen,
I'll call you later. I have very good news for you."

Miguel sat down beside Bea. Sugar was looking at them and asked "So
tell me? Was there never a time the two of you were more than Platonic?" Bea
and Miguel looked at each other then looked at their own hands. Miguel's
gaze turned to Sugar. He answered "Of course not. Bea and I were never like that."

"As in?" Sugar inquired.

"LOL, oo naman. She was a handful. Too much to handle for me. I can't
keep up with her. She's never stands still." Miguel looked at Bea and
smiled, his eyes turning into slits as his dimples gloriously show.
"I guess that's the way for you. But not for Edward." Bea replied, with
a little hint of disappointment.

"Okay lang yun. Edward is tough enough." Miguel was still smiling.

"Wait, speaking of Edward. I need to call him."

Bea left the garden and went up to her room to call Edward. "Hello?
Edward. Here goes. Yes. The answer is Yes."
*********

The wedding went well. It was one of the most elegant weddings she
had seen. Sugar had everything covered and she was a very beautiful, blushing
bride.

"I, Miguel, take you, Sugar, as my friend and love, beside me and
apart from me,in laughter and in tears, in conflict and tranquility, asking
that you be no other than yourself, love what I know of you, trusting what I
do not know yet, in all the ways that life may find us."

Bea felt a stab of pain hitting her heart. She slowly got up, walked
away from the spectators. Tears streaming down her flushed cheeks.

**********

Bea is once again on her way to the airport. Miguel is driving for
her,this time with a wedding ring on his left finger.

"Hay, here we go again. I'm driving you to the airport. Kailan na
naman kaya tao magkikita?"

"Ewan ko. Tell me something," her tone all too serious. "What was it
that you love about Sugar? How did you know she was the one?" Miguel just
smiled. "Dali na ano? Malay mo I need to decide in a couple of days dib a?"

"You know what I love about her? The same things I loved about you
before. The only difference is that she's not as ambitious as you are. When
you left for New York two years ago, I knew I don't have a place in the life
you've
chosen. I don't blame you for that. You're good in your field and I
thought to myself that it's your right to move on without me. Moving away
was a decision you made for yourself. I know this sounds silly and
you might
nag
me about it but I found the better version of you in Sugar. She's so
much like you in so many ways but the only difference is she loves
me more than you do."

She wanted to cry the tears she had kept as he witnessed him say his
vows, but kept her composure. She just chuckled a laugh. How could he move
on without her? Why was it easy for him and not for her? As she got
off the car, she gave Miguel one last hug. This time she felt her heart
heavy.

"I guess this is goodbye?" she told Miguel.

"Wait, I'm not letting you out until you answer question. Did Edward
propose?"

Bea showed Miguel her left hand. In it was a one carat diamond
solitaire ring set in platinum. "Yes."

Miguel let out a sigh and congratulated her. As Miguel turned his
gaze from the steering wheel to Bea's face, he saw a single tear fall from her
right eye and then she said, "If it gives any consolation. Edward was the
best version of you that I can find in New York."

20 QUESTIONS... you have to read this

2006-07-10T14:59:00.000-07:00

*Jigs - Fresh grad. Kabarkada ni Yumi. Magtatrabaho bilang researcher sa isang financial firm
*Yumi - Commercial Model. Kabarkada ni Jigs. 2 years ahead kay Jigs.

TAGPO

Gabi. Sa isang kwarto ng isang beach resort. Naglalatag ng kumot si Jigs sa sahig habang inaayos ni Yumi ang kanyang higaan.

YUMI Sige na, Jigs. Huwag ka nang magpaka-gentleman. Naaawa ako sayo e. Tabi na tayo sa kama
JIGS Hindi, okay lang ako dito.

YUMI Huwag ka nang maarte. As if naman re-rapin kita no. Malaki naman itong kama e. Hatiin na lang natin sa gitna.
JIGS Sure ka?

YUMI Hindi mo naman siguro ako mamanyakin no?
JIGS (Matatawa) Okay ka lang?

YUMI Kung gusto mo, gamitin na lang natin iyang kumot na divider.
JIGS Good idea.

Isasampay nila ang kumot mula sa kisame para mahati ang kama sa gitna. Magsesettle down ang dalawa. Ilalabas ni Jigs ang libro niya:
Puppy Love and other Stories ni F. Sionil Jose. Si Yumi naman ay magpapatugtog ng Japanese Zen Music habang nagsa-zazen.

YUMI Do you mind?
JIGS No, go ahead. I’m just reading.

Magsa-zazen si Yumi. Magbabasa si Jigs. Pareho silang di maka-concentrate. Papatayin ni Yumi ang CD player niya.

YUMI I can’t believe our friends.
JIGS Oo nga e.

YUMI Dapat ginagawa nila ito sa mga bagong pasok sa barkada o kaya sa bagong...ay oo nga pala. Bagong graduate ka. Congrats.
JIGS Thanks.

YUMI So what’re your plans?
JIGS Kinukuha akong researcher sa ADB. Kinukuha rin ako ng BPI sa OTP nila.

YUMI Wow naman. In demand.
JIGS Di naman masyado. Who the hell invented this tradition anyway?

YUMI (Matatawa) You won’t believe it.
JIGS Ikaw?

YUMI Malay ko ba na mabibiktima rin ako nito balang-araw.
JIGS So why did you start it?

YUMI Wala ka pa sa tropa nun e. Freshman ka pa lang siguro noon. Wala lang. Napagtripan lang namin si Ronald. E may crush siya kay Meg. Noong unang beses magpunta rito ng barkada, sabi ko,magsimula kami ng tradition. Ilo-lottery namin ang pangalan ng mga lalaki at ng mga babae. Kung sino ang mabubunot, silang dalawa ang pagsasamahin sa isang kwarto sa loob ng tatlong araw. And then, we’ll all see what happens. Pero dinaya namin noon yung kay Ronald at Meg. Puro Ronald at Meg ang mga pangalan na nakalagay sa lottery.
JIGS (Tatawa) Ang sama ninyo!

YUMI Kaya nga nakarma na ako e.
JIGS So is our case, dinaya? O talagang lottery?

YUMI (Teasing) Ano sa dalawa ang gusto mo?
JIGS Feeling ko may nagtrip sakin sa barkada e.

YUMI Excuse me po, dalawa tayong biktima dito. I don’t see any reason kung bakit tayong dalawa ang sasadyaing biktima this year, unless may crush ka sakin na di ko alam at alam nila (tatawa).
JIGS Baka ikaw (tatawa).

YUMI The success rate of this tradition is 100% so far.
JIGS I was here na the 2nd time. Si Chris at si Cia ang biktima.

YUMI And last year were Rod and Kay. They’re getting married kailan? Sa June yata.
JIGS What do you expect? Ikukulong mo ang isang lalaki at isang babae sa isang kwarto for three days, imposibleng walang mangyari doon!

YUMI That was exactly my point. (Ngingiti)
JIGS E kung may madisgrasya?

YUMI Anong disgrasya?
JIGS Alam mo na ?yun!

Hahawiin ni Yumi ang divider nilang kumot.

YUMI Ano? Sex? Pano kung magsex sila? Nakakatawa ka naman. Di mo masabi.
JIGS Ang alin?

YUMI Ang sex!
JIGS Hah!

YUMI Sige nga sabihin mo nga?
JIGS Para kang tanga. Tumigil ka nga.

YUMI Shet, Jigs. Graduate ka na totoy ka pa rin!
JIGS Excuse me?

YUMI Sabihin mo nga: Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex!
JIGS Para kang bata, Yumi ha.

YUMI You used to call me ate Yumi when you were in third year.
JIGS Well, graduate na po ako, ate Yumi.

Tahimik.

JIGS Hmmm. I wonder if we’re gonna last three days.
YUMI (Teasing) Bakit? Ayaw mo sakin?

Di sasagot si Jigs.

YUMI We’re gonna survive this one.
JIGS What makes you so sure?

YUMI No offense, Jigs. I honestly find you very attractive pero I’ve no time for this. Alam mo naman siguro na kaka'
JIGS Same here.

YUMI Same here what? Na you find me attractive o you don’t have time for this? (Matatawa)

Di sasagot si Jigs. Tahimik. Io-on ulit ni Yumi ang CD player at ipagpapatuloy ang zazen. Itatabi ni Jigs ang libro. Nawalan na siya ng ganang magbasa. Pupunta siya sa ref. Bubuksan niya ito.

JIGS Hah! (Sarcastic) Perfect! Red Wine! How very conducive.

YUMI May chips ba diyan?
JIGS Sa awa ng Diyos, may tsibog naman.

Papatayin ni Yumi ang CD player. Tatayo siya at kukuha ng chips sa ibabaw ng ref.

YUMI Since we’re gonna be stuck naman with each other for three days, might as well make the best out of it di ba? I-enjoy na lang natin.
JIGS What do you mean?

YUMI Get the wine, let’s have a drink! 50 hours to go na lang and we’re gonna be the first failure of this tradition.
JIGS Oo nga. (Kukunin ang wine. Maglalagay sa dalawang baso.) When they chose Cia and Chris, naiintindihan ko pa e. Lalo na sina Rod and Kay. Kung baga,tinulungan lang natin silang umamin sa isa’t isa. Pero us...

YUMI Weird ng barkada natin no?
JIGS To our barkada and our weird traditions!

YUMI To us, the first failure of this tradition!

Magto-toast sila at iinom.

JIGS Sige, ate Yumi. Let’s make our stay here more interesting...

YUMI What’s with the ate?
JIGS Fine...

Bubuksan ni Yumi ang chips. Uupo sila pareho sa sahig para magkwentuhan.

JIGS Let’s play twenty questions.

YUMI Sige! Ano yon?
JIGS Each of us will have ten questions each. Tatanungin kita, tatanungin mo ako, mga gusto nating malaman sa isa’t isa. Alternate tayo. Pero the thing here is, you can’t ask the question that I already asked.

YUMI That’s pretty interesting.
JIGS At bawal magsinungaling.

YUMI Fair enough. Pero whatever is said inside this room remains in the room. Ok?
JIGS Of course. You wanna start?

YUMI No. I want to ask the last question. (Ngingiti at kikindatan si Jigs)
JIGS Smart move. Game. First question: Ano ang greatest frustration mo sa buhay?

YUMI Nge. Ang korni naman ng tanong mo. Walang ka-challenge-challenge. Ask me something na mag-iisip naman ako.
JIGS Simula pa lang e.

YUMI Sige. Ano nga ba...?
JIGS Akala ko ba walang ka-challenge-challenge?

YUMI Wag kang maingay, nag-iisip ako...I’m a frustrated ballet dancer.
JIGS Talaga?

YUMI I took lessons when I was six pero umayaw ako. Wala kasi akong disiplina e. Mas gusto kong makipaglaro sa mga kalaro ko. Pero I really enjoy watching ballet dancers. When I see them dance parati kong naiisip na sana, ako rin. There! Ang dali naman ng tanong mo. Walang thrill.
JIGS Appetizer lang. Yari ka sakin mamaya.

YUMI We’ll see. Ako naman: Did you ever have doubts about your sexuality? I mean, kahit minsan ba, naisip mo na bakla ka?
JIGS Never.

YUMI Bilis ng sagot a.
JIGS Coz I never entertained the idea.

YUMI Homophobe ka ba?
JIGS Alternate tayo sa tanungan, di ba?

YUMI So, not once? Kahit konti? Kahit what if lang?
JIGS I’m straight, okay?

YUMI I’m not asking if you’re gay or not. I’m asking kung...
JIGS Never nga.

YUMI We all thought na you were gay. Well at least nung first few months mo sa tropa before you introduced your girlfriend to us.
JIGS What?! You thought I was gay?!

YUMI E pano kasi, masyado kang mabait. Ang pogi-pogi mo, pero parang allergic ka sa mga babae. Over ang pagiging gentleman mo. Too good to be true. You have a good body, it seems that you work out pero iniisip namin front mo lang yun. Kadalasan kasi front ng mga bakla ang pagiging maganda ng katawan nila at pagiging sporty...

Tatawa lang si Jigs.

YUMI So we thought it’s either that or you were planning to become a priest.
JIGS What?!

YUMI Well, you were always this goody-goody person. Pumupunta ka sa chapel. Nangungumpisal, nagsisimba...
JIGS The way you said it, parang equivalent ang dalawa a.

YUMI Of course not. I didn’t mean that!
JIGS I take my faith seriously. That doesn’t make me gay!

YUMI So you did want to become a priest...
JIGS Hindi rin. Actually, I always wanted to raise a family...and be a father.

Tahimik.

YUMI So you’re not gay.
JIGS No.

YUMI You never...
JIGS Ilang beses ka ba ipinanganak? Kulit mo e. It’s my turn.

YUMI Homophobe ka no?
JIGS Hindi kaya!

YUMI Whatever...
JIGS Ako na, daya mo naman e.

YUMI Okay, okay. Shoot me.
JIGS How do you see yourself five years from now?

YUMI You expect to win this game? Ang kokorni ng mga tanong mo e.
JIGS The object of this game is not to win.

YUMI E ano pa ba?
JIGS To get to know the other person.

YUMI Sure. Basta ako, I will win this game. Walang thrill ang isang game kung walang nananalo.
JIGS Sagot.

YUMI May time limit ba to? (Tatawa) Wine pa nga.
JIGS Sabi nga nila: in vino veritas.

Magsasalin si Jigs ng wine.

YUMI Masarap ang wine, ha? Saan kaya nabili ito? (Iinom) To answer your question, either maging entrepreneur ako, magsisimula ako ng sarili kong botique or bar, o kaya, magiging artista ako sa pelikula.
JIGS Not bad.

YUMI Pero mukhang malabo yung stint ko sa movies. Tough ang competition e. Saka mahina ang manager ko. Panay hosting at pictorials ang nakukuhang raket para sa akin. Papalitan ko na nga e. Pag nakaipon ako, baka magtayo na lang ako ng botique.
JIGS (Magbibiro) Ayaw mo mag-bold?

YUMI Yuck!
JIGS Lahat ng gustong mag-artista doon dumadaan.

YUMI May talent naman ako kahit papano a!
JIGS ahat naman ng bold star may talent a! Sa dibdib! (Tatawa)

YUMI Hahampasin ng unan si Jigs) Bastos ka talaga! Akala ko goody-goody ka...Hindi ko papatulan ang pagbobold kahit anong mangyari no! Kahit ganito ako, may respeto pa rin naman ako sa sarili ko.
JIGS anito? Anong ganito?

Di sasagutin ni Yumi ang tanong.

YUMI These producers think all the people want is sex, sex, sex! Kaya puro basura ang mga pelikula e. Wine pa nga!
JIGS (Magsasalin ng wine) Bakit naman botique?

YUMI Hoy madaya ka na ha? Hindi pa ako lasing. Ako nang magtatanong. Ang korni mo namang magtanong. Bigatan naman natin nang konti...Inom ka muna.

Iinom si Jigs. Magsasalin siya ng bago.

YUMI Who was your first crush in the barkada?

Tahimik.

YUMI Haha! Bingo ka no? Bagal mo naman sumagot.

Iinumin ang wine. Magsasalin ng bago.

JIGS Lalaki o babae?

Tatawa sila pareho.

YUMI Dapat may time limit ito e.

Tahimik.

JIGS Hirap naman ng tanong mo.

YUMI Iyon nga ang maganda e. Para may thrill. As if naman ibo-broadcast ko sa barkada kung sino.
JIGS Wine pa?

YUMI Di mo pa sinasagot yung tanong ko, nagtatanong ka na!

Magsasalin ng wine si Jigs kay Yumi.

JIGS Yung crush ko kasi...siyempre, sino pa ba? E di yung pinakamaganda sa barkada.

YUMI Nge. Subjective yon no! Para sakin ang pinakagwapo si Joel. Sa babae, si Kay. Para kay Ronald, si Meg...
JIGS Yung literally na may dating' walang tanung-tanong. Yung kahit sinong tanungin mo sa tropa, objectively, siya ang isasagot.

YUMI Jigs, twenty questions ang game natin. Hindi guessing game. C’mon man. Play your own game. Pano na kung truth or dare to e di pahirapan na. Dadalawa na nga lang tayo e.
JIGS Yung commercial model.

Matitigilan si Yumi.

YUMI Wine pa nga.

Magsasalin si Jigs. Mag-iisip si Yumi. Iinom. Biglang matatawa.

YUMI (Tumatawa pa rin) Talaga?
JIGS Sige, pagtawanan ba?

YUMI You can say it to my face, I won’t bite. Bakit hirap na hirap kang sabihin kung sino? Takot kang ma-reject? Parang tanong lang e...Wine pa nga!
JIGS Okay, 1 point ka na...

YUMI (Ngiti) Gee...thanks. Flattered naman ako. At kailan naman nangyari ito?
JIGS Sorry, my turn to ask. (Ngingiti) Who is your crush in the barkada...NOW?

YUMI E ginaya mo lang yung tanong ko e.
JIGS Hinde no. May qualifier ako. Ang sabi ko, NOW. Ang tanong mo, first crush ko.

YUMI Korni pa rin. Alam mo, kung basketball ito. tambak ka na.
JIGS Just answer the question.

YUMI Siyempre wala. I told you, I don’t have time for these stuff. Kakabreak ko lang dba?
JIGS Korni mo namang sumagot.

YUMI E korni yung tanong e. Pero kung talagang-talagang kailangan kong sumagot.hmmm.teka.sino nga ba? Sino bang crush material sa barkada? Wala akong maisip e. Ikaw na lang.
JIGS Yung seryoso naman.

YUMI Seryoso ako. Ayaw mo yata e. Sige, iba na lang...
JIGS E napipilitan ka lang e.

YUMI Uy! Pano ba yan? MU na tayo? Crush mo ko, crush kita...yiheee

(Tatawa).

JIGS Dati pa iyon no!

YUMI Ay? Di mo na ko crush? Bakit, na turn-off ka? Ano namang ginawa ko? Tsk. Tsk.
JIGS Is that your question na?

YUMI Oy, hinde! Ito naman...di ba pwedeng mag-follow-up?

Iinom ng wine si Jigs.

YUMI Fine. Here’s a little juicy question: Describe your first kiss.
JIGS That’s not even a question.

YUMI Arte mo. O: How was your first kiss like?

Matatawa si Jigs.

JIGS Wet.

YUMI Yuck!

Magtatawanan sila.

JIGS Alam mo, aksidente yung first kiss ko. Close kasi kami nung isa kong kaibigan. Pag naggu-goodbye ako sa kanya, parati ko siyang kini-kiss sa noo. E one time, sa gym habang nagpapahinga, nakaupo siya sa sahig. Tinatamad siyang tumayo. So bumaba ako nang konti para halikan siya sa noo kasi pauwi na ako. E siya naman, para maabot ko, medyo tumingala . E sakto, sa lips ko siya nahalikan. Pareho kaming nagulat. Pero di pa kami naghiwalay agad. Weird nga ang feeling e. Parang may glue. Ayaw na namin maghiwalay pareho...

Tawa pa rin si Yumi

YUMI Awww. Ang sweet naman. Parang sa pelikula. Si Krissy ba ?to?
JIGS Hindi. Hindi mo siya kilala.

YUMI So what happened? Nagkatuluyan kayo?
JIGS Nope.

YUMI Ha?
JIGS Ewan ko ba. Complicated kasi yung situation namin e. May boyfriend siya noon. Ako naman, takot pa sa isang relationship. Pero at least, na-discover namin na pareho pala kaming may gusto sa isa’t isa. Pero hanggang doon na lang.

YUMI What happened after?
JIGS We talked about it. We both decided na it wont work. Tapos, bigla na lang, hindi na kami nagkikita. And then, I met you guys, iba na ang barkada ko.

YUMI Nakakatuwa naman.
JIGS Ikaw, pano yung first kiss mo?

YUMI Ikaw ang nagturo sa akin ng game na ito di ba? Bakit ba lagi mong bini-break ang rules? Di mo na pwedeng tanungin ?yan!
JIGS Tine-testing ko lang kung lasing ka na. (Iinom ng wine) Okay, naka-warm-up na ako: What was the naughtiest thing you ever did?

YUMI Yan ang mga tanong! Ano bang ibig mong sabihin ng naughty?
JIGS Bahala kang mag-define.

YUMI Hmmm...marami e...(matatawa) baka maeskandalo ka.
JIGS Kanina ayaw mo ng korni. Ngayong medyo exciting naman...

YUMI Eto na...I had two boyfriends at the same time.
JIGS (Nagulat) Hala.

YUMI I was with Joel and Zach at the same time.
JIGS Yikes. Alam ba ni Joel?

YUMI Kaya nga kami naghiwalay nun e. Nahuli ako (matatawa).
JIGS Ano namang pumasok sa kukote mo’t ginawa mo iyon, aber?

YUMI Nag-eexperiment lang ako. E sa type ko sila pareho e. Anong magagawa ko? Saka para may thrill. Alam mo yon? Yung patago kang nakikipag-date sa isa para di mahuli. Everyday pa akong nakakalibre, kasi, alternate sila! (Tatawa) Akala nyo kayo lang mga lalaki ang pwedeng gumawa no?
JIGS How can you love two guys at the same time?

YUMI Who said something about love? Walang kinalaman ang love dun. I was...having fun!
JIGS Nainlove ka na ba, ever?

YUMI Nakakailang tanong ka na? It’s my turn.
JIGS Don’t you want to answer the question anyway?

YUMI My turn!
JIGS Kulang ka pa sa wine. (Tatawa)

Ubos na ang unang wine bottle. Kukuha si Jigs ng isa pa sa ref.

JIGS Ang bilis nating uminom a.

YUMI Are you still a virgin?
JIGS Whoa! Where did that come from?

YUMI That’s my fourth question.
JIGS (Magsasalin ng wine sa mga baso). Ano sa tingin mo?

Ngingiti si Jigs. Tititigan lang siya ni Yumi.

YUMI Don’t tell me, wala pang nangyayari sa inyo ni Krissy hanggang ngayon? Ilang taon na ba kayo? Mag-tu-two years na sana next week.

YUMI So virgin ka pa? I don’t believe it!
JIGS Mukha ba akong tarantado?

YUMI Mukha kang nagpapaiyak ng babae e.
JIGS Insulto ba ?yon?

YUMI Compliment ?yon, tanga.
JIGS Ah, okay. Thanks.

YUMI Pero, you mean, you never felt the urge to do it?
JIGS Alin? Sex?

YUMI Wow! Nasabi rin niya!
JIGS Of course I always feel it. Natural lang iyon sa tao no? Nasa iyo na lang yan kung anong gagawin mo sa urge na yon.

YUMI E natural naman pala e. Bakit mo pinipigilan? I mean, pag naiihi ka, iihi ka. Pag nagugutom ka, kakain ka. Pareho lang yon, di ba?

JIGS Pag naiihi ka, iihi ka dahil kailangan mong umihi. At hindi ka iihi kahit saan. Pupunta ka sa banyo. Pag nagugutom ka, kakain ka dahil kailangan. At hindi mo kinakain ang lahat ng pagkain na ihain saiyo. Pag di ka gutom, di ka kakain. Pag di mo gusto yung pagkain, di mo gagalawin. Ang aso, pag may nakitang pagkain diyan, walang tanung-tanong. Lalamon iyan.

YUMI And sex is the same?
JIGS Lahat ng bagay, nilalagay sa lugar. May context. At least, yun ang nagpaiba sa atin sa aso.

YUMI Grabe ka namang magsalita. Para mo na ring sinabing lahat ng nakikipagsex, aso ah!
JIGS Sinasabi ko lang, pag wala sa tamang konteksto, mali.

YUMI And what is that context?
JIGS Matanda na tayo. Ayokong maging preachy. Alam na natin ?yan.

Tahimik.

JIGS Kaso, kahit alam na natin, minsan di pa rin natin ginagawa.

Tahimik.

JIGS Masarap e. Sino bang ayaw nun?

Tahimik.

YUMI (Medyo nairita) So feeling mo santo ka at dapat kang i-congratulate for being a virgin!
JIGS Sinasabi ko lang ang pinaniniwalaan ko. Ineexplain ko lang kung bakit di ko ginagawa. May kanya-kanya tayong dahilan. Di ko pinipilit kahit kanino ang mga paniniwala ko...No need to get so cross about it, Yumi.

Tahimik.

JIGS It’s not about being a virgin or not. It’s about putting things into their proper places.

YUMI I’m not arguing with you.
JIGS Me neither. I’m just answering your questions.

Matagal na katahimikan.

Ngingiti si Jigs. Titignan niya si Yumi na medyo nairita sa nakaraang train of conversation nila. Magsasalin siya ng wine para kay Yumi.

JIGS Nasobrahan ka na yata sa wine e. (Tatawa) You still wanna go on with the game? Nine pa lang tayo, eleven more to go. (Ngingiti)

YUMI Shoot me.
JIGS Who was your first lay?

YUMI (Hahampasin ng unan si Jigs) Ang bastos mo talaga! So inaassume mo na hindi na ako virgin?
JIGS E sabi mo kasi, walang thrill ang game pag walang nananalo e. So I guess I’m winning. Saka wala naman akong inimply na ganun a! I’m just hitting two birds with one stone. Kasi kung virgin ka, e di simple lang ang sagot: wala. Kung hindi naman, e di sino?

YUMI Ang daya mo.
JIGS Akala ko ba ayaw mo ng korning tanong.

YUMI You think I’ll answer that after giving your sermon, Father Jigs?
JIGS Ano ka ba? Inexplain ko lang yung personal reasons ko. Kung ano man ang sa iyo, I’ll respect them as well as I know you respect mine. I’m no saint. I’m just trying to get to know you better. (Ngingiti)

YUMI How do you do that?
JIGS Alin?

YUMI I should have walked out on you kanina pa pero the way you say things...parang bumabaliktad sayo...makes you more...charming. Kung ibang tao ka siguro, di na kita kakausapin.

JIGS You can’t walk out. We’re locked here for three days except for meals.

YUMI So I’m forced to like you para di masira ang vacation ko. (Ngingiti)

JIGS You don’t have to answer my question if you don’t want to.

YUMI I guess I’ll be honest with you as you were honest with me...

Tahimik. Iinom ng wine si Yumi.

YUMI Di mo siya kilala. His name was Robert. He was my first boyfriend. It was Senior Prom Night. Alam mo na...typical senior prom story. Everyone wants to lose it on prom night. Everyone thinks na pag prom night, it was something special. We went out sa hall nang maaga. We made out sa kotse niya. One thing led to the other. Tapos, yun...yun na. We went back just in time for the awarding of the prom queen. Guess what, I won pa. (Mahinang tawa)

JIGS What was it like?

YUMI Now that I look back, it isn’t as special as I thought it was. Pero it was different then. Back then, we were just led by our passions. Alam mo yon? Andun ka na. Hormones raging wild. Passions and Ideals are confused. Akala mo love, yun pala, curious ka lang pala. Akala mo yun na yon. Akala mo you are in-love at lahat ng gawin mo tama. Lahat ng gawin mo perfect. Everything was magical... well, almost.
JIGS Almost...?

YUMI Sa next question mo na ?yan. Ako na.
JIGS (Pabiro) Wine pa? Kulang ka pa yata e.

YUMI Nilalasing mo ko no? May balak ka sakin no? (Tatawa)
JIGS Is that your question? Sasagutin ko na. (Tatawa)

YUMI Engot. Hindi ?yon. Here’s something na curious lang ako. Kasi I’ve been hearing things...saka you’re hinted on it na rin kanina...Are you still with Krissy?
JIGS Hindi na.

YUMI Since when?
JIGS Two, maybe three weeks ago?

YUMI Sinong nakipag-break?
JIGS Pareho kami.

YUMI Why?
JIGS Maraming dahilan, actually. Naisip na lang namin na it won’t work. Isa na doon magkaiba kami ng gustong mangyari sa buhay. Magkaiba kami ng mga pinaniniwalaan.

YUMI Like what?
JIGS Marami.

YUMI At ngayon mo lang nalaman iyon after two years with her?
JIGS People change, Yumi.

Tahimik.

JIGS Right before graduation, she asked me to move in with her.

YUMI Talaga?
JIGS Sabi niya, doon na naman din daw papunta ang relasyon namin. Might as well practice na raw for the real thing. Tutal, she’s working na naman, ako naman bagong graduate, we should try out na raw living together if it will work for us.

YUMI Natakot ka sa arrangement?
JIGS Hindi naman sa natakot. If you love someone, ano pang ikakatakot mo, di ba?

YUMI E bakit umayaw ka?
JIGS It’s just that, it’s not my thing.

YUMI Sabi na nga ba e, bakla ka no? Sinasayang mo ang opportunities! (Matatawa)
JIGS Hindi ako oportunista. At lalong hindi ako bakla.

YUMI Fine.
JIGS Naisip ko lang na hindi pa pala ako handa sa mga ganitong bagay. Wala pa sa isip ko ang ganon. Na-shock siguro ako sa reality na iyon na nga ang next step sa relationship namin. I mean, two years of being together and knowing each other, we’re practically ready to get married, if you know what I mean. Pero I realized, I’m not ready for any of these. Narealize ko how immature I am. Na iba yung ideals ko two years ago sa ideals ko ngayon. I need to mature some more to get into this thing'I mean, getting married. Diyos ko, ilang taon lang ba ako...

YUMI Maturity has nothing to do with age.
JIGS But it has a lot to do with time.

Tahimik.

JIGS So I thought, bakit kailangan ng practice mode? Ibig sabihin, pag sumablay kami, split na kami? Live like a couple minus the commitment? Pano pag nawala na yung magic? Goodbye na?

Iinom ng wine si Jigs.

JIGS Kung kasal na, kasal na. Wala nang practice. I think that’s the real cowardice. Yung i-try muna natin kung it will work kasi takot kayo na baka hindi maging successful ang outcome. Saan na napunta ang excitement ng buhay? Kaya nga kayo in-love, para sabay kayong humarap sa totoong buhay, sa hirap at ginahawa, di ba? (Matatawa) Hindi yung pagpapraktisan muna ninyo para siguradong ginhawa lang.

Magkikibit-balikat lang si Jigs.

YUMI Are you always like that?
JIGS Like what?

YUMI So cerebral in everything. Kahit pagdating sa relationships.
JIGS Life is too precious para lang daanin sa trial and error.

Ngingiti si Jigs. Tahimik.

YUMI So, No hard feelings?
JIGS Friends pa rin kami. She still calls me up nga sa bahay e.

YUMI That’s nice.
JIGS Kayo, bakit kayo nagbreak ni Carlo?

YUMI That’s your sixth na ha?
JIGS Sure.

YUMI Alam mo, ironic para sa akin yung break-up namin ni Carlo. And the funny thing was, it was about...sex. Uy, sa atin lang ito ha?
JIGS Of course.

YUMI Kasi nga, I was looking for that magic nga di ba? I wanted to be in a relationship na special naman. So of all the boyfriends I had, sa kanya lang ako walang sexual relationship. As in nag-aabstain talaga ako. Kasi parang naisip ko, para magkaroon naman ng meaning yung aking love di ba? Parang, dapat di mo parating ginagawa, at ginagawa mo lang when you are sincere with yourself and with your partner. So I was investing muna emotionally. And I was actually starting to care about him. Yung, hindi ko na iniisip yung sarili ko. Yung siya lang ang inaalala ko. Akala ko perfect na...
JIGS Anong nangyari?

YUMI Patunayan ko raw na mahal ko siya. Magbigay daw ako ng proof. Pagbigyan ko raw siya. Sabi ko sa kanya, hindi pa ba sapat na proof ? yon? Na I’ll saving myself for that right moment, that special moment between us? Alam mong ginawa? Nilayasan ako!
JIGS You deserve someone better.

YUMI Talaga!
YUMI Isipin mo, kung kelan naman I grew tired of meaningless sex, when I’m; looking for the real thing, saka naman mawawala. Ang ironic ng buhay no?

JIGS That’s the way we must learn.

YUMI Alam mo, kung tutuusin, never ko pang na-experience yung tunay na mag make-love. And I had to go all through those relationships para lang ma-realize yun. At least, ngayon, alam ko na ang hinahanap ko.

Iinom ng wine.

YUMI Ikaw ba, importante sayo na virgin ang mapapangasawa mo? How do you see virginity ba?
JIGS Alam mo, di ko pa napag-isipan ?yan. Pero now that you’ve mentioned it...It doesn’t matter kung virgin ang mapangasawa ko o hindi. Of course I value virginity a lot. I treat it as the only real gift I could give to my wife to be. Imaginin mo na lang di ba, kung wife ko ang una ko. It’s like the perfect wedding gift I couldgive to her. Pero kung siya hindi na virgin, I wouldn’t care. As long as mahal ko siya. Kasi I don’t expect her to give me the same gift.. I don’t do something because I expect people to do the same to me. Ibigay niya sa akin ang sarili niya nang buong-buo, sapat na sa akin iyon. Masaya na ako sa ganoon.

YUMI (Mapapangiti si Yumi.) You know, that’s the nicest thing I ever heard from a guy. That’s why I always enjoy talking to you. You always say the nicest things.
JIGS Wow. Salamat. E ikaw, is making love to you equal to love?

YUMI I always took sex and love as opposite ideas. I mean, after the first time na...you know. sa Senior prom. Kasi afterwards, we broke up na ni Robert. Tapos naisip ko, yun na ba yung love? Baka hindi love yung naramdaman ko. Baka napagkamalan ko lang siyang love. I was just after the pleasure of intimacy. And then I felt empty. So empty. That’s why I wanted to change. I wanted to believe in making love. And I’m still looking for it.ung magic. Yung feeling mo, tao ka pala. I never felt that kahit isang beses. Men have penetrated my body but never my soul. And I wanted that. I wanted someone to touch my soul. To make love to my soul through my body. Pero siguro, naging numb na’to sa dami ng relasyong pinagdaanan ko. di ko alam kung mararanasan ko pa iyon. That’s why I envy you.

Tahimik.

YUMI Sa tingin mo may pag-asa pa ako?
JIGS You still have your soul...(Ngingiti)

Tahimik.

YUMI With whom would you want to experience it?
JIGS Of course, sa asawa ko.

YUMI I mean, someone in particular. Take it as my seventh question. So give a name.
JIGS A name? Hindi ko alam. Basta kung sino ang magiging asawa ko.

Tahimik. Magkikibit-balikat si Yumi. Iinom ng wine.

JIGS Well, I always thought na it was Krissy. And then, it was just gone. Of course I loved her. And I still do. Pero the magic was just gone after we both found out na magkaiba kami ng mga prinsipyo sa buhay.

Tahimik.

JIGS My turn?

YUMI Shoot me.
JIGS Tell me something...a secret. Yung wala kahit isang nakakaalam.

Matagal na katahimikan.

JIGS You trust me naman di ba?

YUMI Well, you’ve earned it, alright.
JIGS Saka wala akong tinatago sayo. Sinagot ko lahat ng tanong mo as honestly as I could. (Ngingiti)

YUMI I uhm...
JIGS Yes...?

YUMI I need more wine.

Magsasalin si Jigs ng wine.

JIGS Take your time. We have less than fifty hours to go.

Iinom ng wine si Yumi.

YUMI I’ll tell you something no one in the world knows except one other person. And that person probably forgot all about me already.
JIGS (Pabiro) What? You had sex with a stranger?

YUMI Ano ka ba?
JIGS Biro lang. Seryoso na.

YUMI Promise ha? Hindi ito lalabas.
JIGS Promise.

YUMI If this goes out, I will hunt you kahit sa libingan mo. Huhukayin kita at papatayin kita ulit.
JIGS Mamatay man ako ngayon.

YUMI Okay...(Pause) I...I was with Joel then...(Magiging mas seryoso ang tono niya) ...and Zach. I wasn’t really with Zach, I was just going out with him pag wala si Joel, alam mo na...making out and stuff...Well, anyway, I was kinda serious din naman with Joel that time. Joel and I were...you know...doing it. And...
JIGS And...?

YUMI Uhm...I...uhm...I got pregnant.
JIGS What?

Tahimik. Iinom ng wine si Yumi.

YUMI I uhm...shit. Hindi ko naman talaga ginusto e. Uhm...Two months akong delayed...then I took that test. I found out na buntis nga ako...and Joel found out about Zach (maluha-luha na) and I didn’t know what to say, you know? Maniniwala ba naman sa akin si Joel na naaliw lang ako kay Zach? Na I didn’t really love him? Na wala lang iyon? And so he broke up with me and...I..uhm...I was afraid and uhm.

(Magsisimula siyang magbreak-down)

JIGS It’s okay...

YUMI I uhm...hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko, Joel left me. I wanted to tell him about the baby to make him come back but I don’t think he’ll believe me after the thing with Zach...and...my parents are gonna kill me if...shit. (iiyak)
JIGS (lalapit kay Yumi para i-console ito) Ssshhh...you don’t have to tell me this if it upsets you...

YUMI And so I went to a clinic...(hahagulgol) I didn’t mean to, Jigs. I wasn’t myself then. And I felt so afraid. So alone...
JIGS Tahan na. Ssshhh...

Iiyak lang si Yumi kay Jigs. Yayakapin ni Jigs si Yumi.

JIGS Alam ba ?to ni Joel?

YUMI How can I tell him? The only other person na nakakaalam ay yung duktor sa clinic. God...(iiyak) Oh God...
JIGS It’s alright...

Hihimasin ni Jigs ang likod ni Yumi. Patatahanin niya ito. Matagal silang nakaganito lang.

Matagal na katahimikan.

YUMI Can you get me my yosi?

Tatayo si Jigs. Pupunta sa may side table sa tabi ng kama. Kukunin ang Yosi ni Yumi. Magsisindi siya ng isa at iaabot kay Yumi.

YUMI Thanks...

Matagal na katahimikan.

YUMI If we were...if we were the last two people on earth, would you consider doing it with me?
JIGS Doing what?

YUMI Alam mo na...
JIGS Alin? (Teasing ngingiti)

YUMI Gago mo. (Ngingiti)
JIGS Ngumiti rin.

YUMI So? Would you?
JIGS Alin nga? Di mo masabi no? Bakit di mo masabi? (Pagtatawanan si Yumi) Sabihin mo nga: Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex!

YUMI Shut up nga!
JIGS That’s your eighth na, ha?

YUMI I lost count. Answer it.
JIGS Why not?

Hihithit ng yosi si Yumi. Tahimik. Sasandal si Yumi sa balikat ni Jigs.

JIGS If you could be something else, what would you be?

YUMI I dunno...maybe a violin...yeah. Violin siguro.
JIGS Bakit?

YUMI I always saw the relationship of a violin and its player as very intimate. Pag tumutugtog ang violinist, ang nakikita ko at naririnig ko, he strokes the soul of the instrument and the instrument penetrates the soul of the player. Para silang nagmi-make love. Di ba? Very sexy, very intimate, very sublime. Di ba? Pareho silang sincere sa isa’t isa. Dahil kung hindi sila sincere, walang music na mabubuo. The violin surrenders her body to her player, her whole body and her whole soul, in full trust and sincerity. Di ba, compared to the sound of the other instruments, ang tunog ng violin parang isang naked woman? A naked woman in surrender? I want to be a violin. I want to be stroked in the soul. I want to make sincere music. I want to experience the sound of love.

Tahimik.

JIGS Lalim nun ah. (Ngingiti)

YUMI Pano mo malalamang in-love ka na?
JIGS Paano? I don’t think there’s a formula to that. Basta malalaman mo na lang. I mean, ilang beses lang ba nangyari sa akin iyon? I’d like to believe na yun na nga ?yon...yung kay Krissy...

YUMI Kwento mo nga...paano mo narealize dati na mahal mo nga si Krissy?
JIGS Alam mo nakakatawa...korni actually. Babalik na naman ako sa pagiging korni nito e. Di ba ayaw mo sa korni.

YUMI Sige na. Hindi na kita aasarin.
JIGS I heard bells.

YUMI Ano?
JIGS Seryoso. Bigla na lang, habang nag-uusap kami, may narinig na lang akong bells, tapos music. Ewan ko kung iniimagine ko lang iyon pero yun ang nangyari. Nakakatawa nga e. Parang kanta ng Beatles.

YUMI Seryoso ka ba?
JIGS baka naman nagkataon noong oras na yon, may nagkakantahan sa kung saan sa school. Basta may narinig akong bells. Tapos napangiti ako. Pagtingin ko sa mata niya, iba na ang nakikita ko. Hindi ko na siya nakita as kabarkada lang. Biglang parang may magic. Hindi ko ma- explain. Baduy pero ganun. Tapos I just seized the moment. Umamin ako. A week later, kami na.

YUMI orni nga. (Matatawa)
JIGS orni talagang pakinggan. Pero pag nandun ka na. Pag naranasan mo na, feeling mo, hindi na korni.

Ngingiti si Yumi. Tahimik.

YUMI lam mo, may times na parang tunog violin ang boses mo. O lasing lang ako?

Tahimik.

JIGS I’m into my last question.

Iaangat ni Yumi ang ulo niya.

YUMI Shoot me. Better make it good.
JIGS If you were again to be the next victim of this tradition, if you were to be locked up in this room again...who would you want the next guy to be?

YUMI (Mag-iisip) I want someone whom I could talk to... Yung makukwentuhan ko ng mga sikreto ko. Yung may sense makipag-usap. Yung may laman. The violin player who’ll stroke my strings...not even. Yung mapapatunog niya ang strings ko without even touching them. (Tahimik) Lumuluwag na ang dila ko...kung anu-ano na ang nasasabi ko.

(Ngingiti)

Tititigan lang ni Jigs si Yumi. Tahimik.

YUMI Siyempre yung masarap kausap.

Tahimik. Hindi makatingin si Yumi.

YUMI Yung kahit habambuhay wala kaming gawin kundi mag-usap. I think it’s better than making love.

Mapapatingin si Yumi kay Jigs.

YUMI Gosh I want to kiss you so badly.

Matitigilan siya.

YUMI I can’t believe I just said that.

Tahimik. Titignan niya ulit si Jigs.

YUMI Don’t you want to kiss me?

Pause. Titignan siya ni Jigs sa mata.

JIGS Is that your last question? (Ngingiti si Jigs)

YUMI Yes.

DILIM.

CRACKED POT...

2006-06-09T16:02:00.000-07:00

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a Pole which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full
portion of water.

At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked Pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, With the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water.
Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the
Poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable
that It could only do half of what it had been made to do.
After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to
the Woman one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, because
this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your
house."

The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your Side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?" "That's because I Have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your Side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them."

"For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to
Decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there
would Not be this beauty to grace the house."

Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we
each have that make our lives together so very interesting and
Rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are and Look for the good in them.

So, to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!
And send this to any or all of your cracked Pot friends within 5 Minutes and see what happens! Don't forget the one that sent it to you! And I'll just get back to my flowers.
Have a great day!!

Beat the Blues for a Better You

2006-06-02T08:35:00.000-07:00

Beat the Blues for a Better You

Turn that Frown Upside-down
Do you know that there is one exercise you can perform right now, no matter where you are, that may decrease your risk of a heart attack? This exercise doesn't require you to lift weights, hire a trainer or even go near a gym.
What could it possibly be? Simple: it's called smiling.

You don't have to be a fitness expert to smile. All you need is the right attitude to lead a healthy and happy life.

Beat the blues
It may sometimes seem easy to let the blues set in, taking the excitement from your day. This unhealthy attitude can hurt you in the long run.

There is no need to ever get down on yourself. As long as you learn from your mistakes, you can concentrate on the future.

Keep in mind that if you let the pressures of everyday life get to you, you are hurting your health along with your happiness.

Mood magic
Results of a 27-year study at Duke University Medical Center show that individuals with long-lasting depressive symptoms have a 70% higher risk of heart attack than those who are usually cheerful.

Remember this statistic the next time you find a frown on your face. Although you may not have long-lasting depressive symptoms, you want to avoid falling into the pattern of feeling down. Refuse to let a mood dictate your happiness.

Proactive pampering
Ever notice that when you feel a little down, you tend to pamper yourself? You give in to your craving for whatever your weakness may be. And that weakness is usually bad for your body - chocolate, cigarettes, and alcohol. Doctors believe that this may be one of the ways in which depressive symptoms contribute to your body's decreased health.

You can still indulge yourself when you feel blue, but you don't Have to hurt yourself. Take a soothing bath or get a massage the next time you need a break.

How does it all work?
By understanding your psyche A little better, it's easy to see how A blue mood can really hurt your Health. But how can you shake that feeling? It's simple with a few easy guidelines:

Exercise, exercise, exercise-it relieves stress, lowers blood pressure, and makes you feel great about your body.
Meditation or some other form of stress relieving technique-they is simple to do, even at the office. And they provide a mini-break from your day.
If you feel you are suffering from clinical ongoing depression that hinders your relationships with others, consult a doctor regarding therapy.
Feeling down is nothing to be ashamed of or get stressed about. A little healthy self-indulgence in what makes you feel better is good at times. Just remember that you can turn your life around by beating the blues with a smile.

6 Secrets to Happiness

2006-06-02T08:33:00.000-07:00

6 Secrets to Happiness

By: Lynne E Kaska

Have you ever thought that you could have more, be more and do more? Have you ever wondered what it would take to really have a successful life? What if you could have the life of your dreams?

Happiness is just within your reach. Itâ€™s just on the other side of the gnawing fear. Itâ€™s just on the other side of that self-defeating game that you keep on playing. The question is how do we get â€œthereâ€ from â€œhere.â€ The question is what do you have to do?

The first secret to happiness that I have found is in identifying what makes you truly happy. Itâ€™s a difficult task to do especially if you really do this from your heart, not what your head tells you. I discovered when I went through this process that the things that I want are not like what anyone else wants for me. I had to discover what I want and let go of old ideas and pleasing other people. For me, happiness means that I walk down the sidewalk with my head held high because I know that I am right with God or a Higher Being. Happiness means that Iâ€™m not held back by all the garbage in my past. Happiness is feeling like I have a purpose and living my life with passion and vibrancy.

What is it that you really want in life? Do you want a stronger relationship with your spouse/partner? Do you want a more fulfilling career? Do you want to be able to sleep at night without any chatter in your head? Is your true desire to just want to get out of bed in the morning and embrace the day for what it is? Do you want to have a strong faith and put aside all fear and live life to the fullest?

Well, if you fall into any of these categories, then I encourage you to keep reading. We all want to be happy. But what separates the men from the boys and the women from the girls is the willingness to do the work. In my own experience, I found that when I get into enough pain, Iâ€™m willing to go to any length to quit feeling the way I was feeling. Are you willing to go on a journey? Are you willing to trust a process that is rewarding?

The next step to achieving happiness is to identify what is not working in your life. I have found that there are several self-defeating games that I play, playing the victim, get them before they get me, being a problem, using drugs/alcohol/food, not showing up, and lying. Which of these games do you use and how? Write a paragraph on three times that youâ€™ve used a self-defeating game. Write about how it worked for you, what it cost you, etcâ€¦.

Another key step to creating a life of happiness is the power of choice. So many times in my life, I didnâ€™t think that I had a choice, but I really did. Particularly abuse survivors think that they donâ€™t have a choice in their situation. They are controlled by fear, but the truth is that if they were willing to step outside of their comfort zone and what seems normal to them, there are ways that they can get out of their situation. As a survivor myself, I had to learn that even though the things that happened to me were not my fault, I did however continue to place myself in a position to be harmed. And I did make the choice to stay in the situation however painful it was for me. There are hundreds of agencies out there today that are designed specifically for women in these situations. Making healthy choices for ourselves gives us an amazing feeling of empowerment. It is something that is indescribable.

Taking Responsibility for our actions is probably the most difficult part of creating a life of happiness. I want you to pretend that someone who you blame for something is standing in front of you; now point your finger at them. What I never realized is that when I point the finger at someone else, I have 3 pointing back at me. When I was able to really start looking at my part in things, the growth that I went through was incredible. I felt as if I was stopping a cycle. And I did!!! By taking responsibility for my own actions and seeing where I was wrong, I was able to identify the things that I did to other people, therefore I was able to truly make amends to them. By seeing my part, I changed a lot of behaviors.

Forgiveness is the next step. For a detailed explanation of forgiveness, please see my article titled â€œForgiving the Unforgivable.â€ When I went through the process of forgiving the people that hurt me, I felt as if nothing in the world could stop me from having the happiness that I had longed for, for so long.

Giving back is the final step in achieving the happiness that you want. As I began to de-clutter my heart and get rid of all the things that kept me in the darkness, my heart felt full, I felt alive, and I felt like I had so much to offer the world. That was when I first decided to start getting articles published, and I took steps towards getting books published, and I even wrote my first e-book. If people werenâ€™t there for me to help me through this process, then I wouldnâ€™t be where Iâ€™m at today. I canâ€™t just ignore the things that people did for me. Service work can be done in a number of ways. It doesnâ€™t necessarily have to be being a candy striper at a hospital. There are a number of places that need volunteers. It could be visiting a nursing home, or just smiling at a cashier. It could be holding a door open for an elderly person or carrying their groceries to their car for them. What I have found is that by giving back what was given to me, I am able to keep the things that Iâ€™ve achieved.

My hope for you is that you find value in some of the steps above as well as my experiences. My hope for you is that you will finally discover the happiness within you. My hope for you is that you will finally find the freedom that you so deserve.

ANG HULING ARAW.....

2006-05-30T16:41:00.000-07:00

Ang Huling Araw

Kung tatanungin ako ng Diyos kung gaano kitaminahal, ang isasagot ko, 10 beses na higit pa sanararapat. Minahal kita hindi dahil pakiramdam ko lang tama, pero dahil ginusto ko yung naramdamanko at walang kung ano pa man.Minsan mo na akong tinanong kung pinagsisisihankong nakilala kita. Sinabi ko hindi. Ngayon na ngasiguro ang araw na kinatatakutan ko. Dahil kapag tinanong mo ulit sa akin yan, alam kong oo na angisasagot ko. Sa lahat kasi ng nangyari sa buhayko, ikaw lang ang gusto kong burahin. Wala ng iba.Alam kong tama na tong ginagawa ko ngayon.Tama ng mawala ka sa buhay ko. Dahil alam kong wala ng pag-asa yang sinasabi mongpagkakaibigan natin. Tanga lang ako na minsankong inisip na yun ang pinanghahawakan ko perohindi pala. Dahil pinili mo pa rin akong saktan kahit
alam mong dapat naging isa kang kaibigan.\nNung mga panahong ikaw at ikaw lang angkailangan ko, hindi man lang kita mahanap. Atkahit alam kong alam mo yon, pinili mong tiisinako. Ngayon hindi na ko umaasang nandyan kapa, dahil simula palang nang-iwan ka na.\nItinapon ko na rin ang lahat ng kasinungalingangsinabi mo na ang masakit ay pinaniwalaan ko.Nang sinabi mong importante ako sa yo at hindimo kayang wala ako, kagaguhan lang yon. Siguronapilitan ka lang sabihin yon, o di kaya, sinadya\nmo para paasahin ako.Ngayon, lahat ng binitawanmong salita, wala ng halaga. Simple lang angrason: dahil wala ka ring kwenta.Wala na rin akong pakialam kung nagustuhan moman ako o hindi. Ang importante, nagbigay ako ng\nbuong buo at ni minsan ay hindi humingi ng kahitanong kapalit. Kahit papano, naturuan mo akongmaging matatag. Natuto na rin akong tumigil sapaghahabol at pag-iyak sa taong manhid na tuladmo.Siguro nga nasira mo na ang lahat sa akin. Ang\npaninindigan ko, tapang at paniniwala ko, pati angkatauhan ko, pero kaya kong ibangon ang sarili koat mabuhay ng wala ka. Ako pa rin to. Oras ataraw lang ang nagbago.Ngayon na ang huling beses na sasabihin ko ito sa\nyo. Ngayon na ang huling pagkakataon na iisipinkita. Lahat ng bagay na dumaan, burado na. Patibuhay ko, bago na. Ngayon na ang huling oras namamahalin kita. Ngayon na ang tamang oras parasa lahat, para malaman mo kung gaano mo ako\nsinaktan. Tapos na yon lahat ngayon. Ito na anghuling araw ng paghihirap...Tama na, tapos na.Pero sa huling araw na ito, isa lang ang siguradoako...Hindi ito ang huling araw na sinabi ko lahat to. \n -- Pmtajon \n\n",0]
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alam mong dapat naging isa kang kaibigan. Nung mga panahong ikaw at ikaw lang angkailangan ko, hindi man lang kita mahanap. Atkahit alam kong alam mo yon, pinili mong tiisinako. Ngayon hindi na ko umaasang nandyan kapa, dahil simula palang nang-iwan ka na. Itinapon ko na rin ang lahat ng kasinungalingangsinabi mo na ang masakit ay pinaniwalaan ko.Nang sinabi mong importante ako sa yo at hindimo kayang wala ako, kagaguhan lang yon. Siguronapilitan ka lang sabihin yon, o di kaya, sinadya mo para paasahin ako.Ngayon, lahat ng binitawanmong salita, wala ng halaga. Simple lang angrason: dahil wala ka ring kwenta.Wala na rin akong pakialam kung nagustuhan moman ako o hindi. Ang importante, nagbigay ako ng buong buo at ni minsan ay hindi humingi ng kahitanong kapalit. Kahit papano, naturuan mo akongmaging matatag. Natuto na rin akong tumigil sapaghahabol at pag-iyak sa taong manhid na tuladmo.Siguro nga nasira mo na ang lahat sa akin. Ang paninindigan ko, tapang at paniniwala ko, pati angkatauhan ko, pero kaya kong ibangon ang sarili koat mabuhay ng wala ka. Ako pa rin to. Oras ataraw lang ang nagbago.Ngayon na ang huling beses na sasabihin ko ito sa yo. Ngayon na ang huling pagkakataon na iisipinkita. Lahat ng bagay na dumaan, burado na. Patibuhay ko, bago na. Ngayon na ang huling oras namamahalin kita. Ngayon na ang tamang oras parasa lahat, para malaman mo kung gaano mo ako sinaktan. Tapos na yon lahat ngayon. Ito na anghuling araw ng paghihirap...Tama na, tapos na.Pero sa huling araw na ito, isa lang ang siguradoako...Hindi ito ang huling araw na sinabi ko lahat to.

I LOVE YOU TOO BABY AND I WANT TO MOVE ON

2006-05-30T16:37:00.000-07:00

* i remembered...i have already posted this article entitled "I LOVE YOU TOO, BABY"... now, i found its continuation..."I WANT TO MOVE ON". nonetheless, i am posting both articles so that you may enjoy reading them both and recall what was the first part about...
I was beginning to regret having worn my favorite red off- shoulder blouseand pleated skirt inside the movie house because I was shivering in the cold. But I took the huge risk because I knew perfectly how my favoritepair of clothing will impress my boyfriend. He loved it whenever I showed a little more skin but if and only if he was with me. I love how he compliments me - he never fails to make me feel as if I was the most beautiful woman on earth.The movie hasn't begun, and the cold was already enveloping us. We found good premiere seats. His hand was holding mine. The feeling of having him all to myself in the dark tickled me. It didn't occur to me that he was smelling the side of my neck as he murmured, "My Baby smells so good, Baby ko...I love you! Another smile curled my lips. "Wala bang I love you too?" He teased. So I answered back, "I love you too, Baby." After a few subtle kisses on the cheek, his cellphone beeped. He quickly checked who it was and buried his eyes on the message. I saw him reply to the text as if he was being chased after. " Heu I will buy food, what do you want?"
"Kelangan ko narin kasing mag-load, may kelangan akong reply-an. Limang piso nalang yata laman nito!" He whispered "La akong bulsa, By the way can you hold my cellphone please? baka mawala ko lang. You know how careless I am". I nodded and kept the phone safely in my hands. He slightly pinched my cheek, said I love you again under his breath, and took off. The movie still hasn't started. I closed my eyes and gave a hearty yawn. I almost fell asleep when I felt his phone vibrate violently. The name Michelle was blinking. Who's Michelle? I thought to myself. Even before I could press accept, the phone stopped vibrating and displayed 1 missed call.
The message icon was also blinking - meaning Michael's inbox was full. I had to delete old messages to pave way for incoming texts. So I did. Five messages came in immediately, all of which were from "Michelle." Without hesitation, I opened them one by one.
"Ha? What do you mean not now? When are we going to talked? Where are you?"Can I text you na?Text me if coast is clear.R u still with her?I felt my heart do a somersault in complete confusion. What did the messages mean? Who was that HER Michael was still with? I felt cold sweat forming around my forehead and nose. I took a deep breath. So I pretended to be Michael and replied casually to the text messages. She replied in a matter of seconds.
Yeah, why? Whats the problem? How are you?
Hi Mike!!! Whats new with you? Baket ngayon kalang nagreply? Kanina pako nagpaparamdam!Kasama mo pa ba si Shayne? I thought I was just stabbed right in the chest whenI saw my name in Michelle's text message, but Icontinued replying with Michael's phone.Oo, bumili lang ako ng food. Iniwan ko si Shaynesa loob ng sinehan. Baket ba kasi? Di mo pa kasi iwan yang babaeng yan eh hihihi!Love, tuloy ba tayo bukas?Ah? Ewan ko, ikaw ang bahala. San ba tayobukas?Diba sabi mo pupunta tayo ng Laguna?Ako nagsabi nun? Ah oo nga pala, I promised you that. Eh ano bang plano mo?Ano? Ikaw nga ang nagplano eh! Baket parangbinabalik mo sakin ang tanong? Nakalimutan mona ba? 4 months na tayo bukas! Dapat astig angout-of-town natin! Swimming tayo siguro tapos dinner... Alam mo na siguro ang ibig kongsabihin, love!I lay motionless. The movie began. I felt my headspin violently - my vision was now blurred becauseof the big teardrops gathering in my eyes. But I blinked them away and replied as fast as I could. Iknew Michael was on his way back to the cinemaany minute now.Oo sige na basta sabihin mo yun ang gagawinnatin! Ang bilis ng panahon noh 4 months na tayo. Parang kelan lang... O sige pano ba ang planobukas? Sabihin mo sakin ang nasa isip moHONEYHmmm.... Basta bring your car nalang! Tawaganmoko sa bahay tonight so wecan talk ha? Love you lots! Mwah mwah! (smiley face)I tried to reply I love you too, but the phonedisplayed Check OperatorServices.The whole world must've stopped before my veryeyes. There was nothing moreI could feel except for the tears rolling down my cheeks and the freeze thatwas now killing me inch by inch. I stared at the bigscreen while mythoughts drifted away... I couldn't find the rightwords to describe how Ifelt that moment. Images of another girl and my Baby deeply in love witheach other flashed in my head.And all this time, I was sharing Michael withsomeone else... That all thistime, there was another woman whom he had hisright arm around... The tears were all coming out now. I know people aroundmewere already staring, butI was no longer thinking rational. Emptinessdevoured me that instant...>From a distance I noticed a familiar face walking up the stairs towards myseat. I cleared my throat, cleaned my face, andtook several deep breaths.Michael was on his way to our seats at the centerbunk.I love you, Baby! Michael kissed me on the nose. Sensha na! Tagal ko noh!Dami kasi nakapila dun sa binilhan ko Sensha na,sensha na... He put downthe plastic bags and held my hand tight. Hekissedme softly on the lipsand whispered passionately, I love you Shayne! I love you Baby ko...I didn't have the strength to answer back.He went on. Oo nga pala, simula bukas, mayfieldwork kami. Baka next weekna ang balik ko. Hindi ko pa sure kung saan yungsite, so baka walang signal dun. But I'll try texting you whenever I can,ok? I love you, Babyko!I wanted to shout at him, scream at the top of mylungs, but no sound cameout. I couldn't make myself say anything. I turned mute... my body was asnumb as ever.O? Wala na naman bang I love you too dyan?Dapat lagi kang nag-I-I loveyou too! He laughed.I felt something vibrating on my lap again. It wasMichael's phone - another text message. Michael saw it blinking andimmediately read themessage at a distance. But I was able to readwhat it said:Kelan ka pa natuto mgtext in small letters? (smileyface) tsaka baket honey na ang twag mo sakin? Hindi na ba love? Bagona ba? (smiley face)There was a long, long awkward pause. I thoughtthe world has just stoppedrevolving.My lips were sealed and the tears were already flowing freely - I could nolonger control them. Michael looked straight atme,with his jaw half open.His eyes were round and bigger than usual, full ofquestions and fear. Wejust stared at each other, not knowing what to say. I felt the whole worldsink and disappear, leaving only the two of usalone in the dark.After a few seconds of silence that felt like forever,I swallowed the biglump in my throat with all my strength and bitterly whispered...I love you too, Baby ko...
=======================================================
I WANT TO MOVE ON…
NOTE TO THE READER: DO NOT READ THIS ARTICLE IF YOU HAVE NOT READ "I LOVE YOU TOO, BABY..." BECAUSE THIS IS PART 2 ALREADY =)
The car absolutely looked familiar. It was a white Toyota mode; I couldn't just remember what's it called. But I knew the kind of shine in the wheel, the exact tint…and I was right.
I was on my way home that late afternoon. Besides the tiring mood I was in, the weather didn't seem very kind to me because I felt it was icy cold – as if it was going to rain. The distance was quite a shot, but I opted not to take a cab or a jeep because I felt like drinking the droplets of rain on my face. After all that stress in school, I needed all the time to "refresh".
But amidst the depths of my thoughts, I saw the familiar white car. So I left my subdued frustrations and went back to reality. I asked myself where did I see that car before…the driver was waiting for the gasoline boy to give him his change. "He". I knew that he was a "he" because of his striped polo and crumpled short hair – which were all together too familiar. I stopped on my tracks, and walked closer to the car. "This feels funny'" I thought to myself, "I'm actually going to that car just because my memory is failing me. Am I too old? Why couldn't I remember where I saw that car!!!" I was about 10 feet away from the car, when the driver went out and crumpled his hair more. He seemed to be counting his change and even from a distance I heard him say, "Man, I think you got my change wrong…" he took off his shades and walked to the counter. In full view, I felt my heart stopped beating – now I know why the car, the wheels, the polo shirt and the messy hair combined, were all too familiar. I knew who "he" was. He was my ex-boyfriend, Michael.
Yeah, it was Michael all right. I'm usually a healthy person but I thought I was going to have a heart attack that very moment I saw his face. After a year, this is he now – the same outfit, the same hair, the same tired eyes, and the same car he used to take me home with. He wore the same shades every time we went out to take some sunlight. Everything seemed the way it was a year ago when it was still "us". The only difference is that he was not wearing the silver ring I gave him for our last monthsary.
I took in a big gulp of air, hoping it would clear my lungs, and took several steps towards the car. "What the hell am I thinking? Shayne, just get out of here and go home! Just pretend you didn't see him!" but my feet continued with long strides towards the gasoline mini-mart. I pretended to be interested in buying some chocolate donuts, and intentionally walked across him, only about 10 inches away. So he glanced.
"Shayne! Ano…Baket…Saan…Saan ka galing? Kamusta ka na?" he was more shocked than I was. He looked at me from head to foot. I didn't dress up for the occasion – I didn't know I was going to see him in the first place. No, I was not wearing my off-shoulder blouse and skirt.
"Ah, wala…bibili lang sana ako ng donuts, Mike. Sige, uuwi na kasi ako, gabi na." I reached for a donut & went to the cashier. He followed me and paid for my bill. "Hatid na kita, Shayne? Dun din naman ako pupunta…" I took in another big gulp of air. Cold sweat trickled down my cheek. "Naku! Wag na Mike, alam mo pumunta ka na lang sa dapat mong puntahan, okey lang ako, promise!" without thinking I took a huge bite from the donut & chewed hard. The truth was, I was so nervous that I wanted to bite all my fingers and shake my knees." Ano ka ba…gabi na, mahirap maglakad ng ganitong oras, ihahatid na kita. Wag ka ng umangal." With that, he opened the passenger's seat door and motioned me to hop in. "This is going to be one long trip…' I thought to myself.
There was just long silence. I felt that I was soaking in sweat, thinking how and what I could say to break the silence. He had his radio on. "He listens to the same type of music," I said to myself. "Kelan ka ga-graduate, Shayne?" he finally asked. "Next month na, Mike.Excited na nga ako eh!" I lied. The thing is, I never thought of graduation anyway. I didn't want to linger on leaving school. I'd miss everything about UP…"Ang bilis ng oras noh, Shayne…Parang kelan lang…". He got lost with what he really wanted to say. I knew why. He was talking about "us", oh no, I'm not going to talk about that. Not in the next million years.
I changed our pacing. "Anong balak mo, Mike?" "Hmmm…hindi pa ako sure eh. Ang dami kasing nangyayaring…hindi ko inaasahan. Nalunod na ako sa trabaho. Hirap nga eh…ang hirap ng walang inaasahang baon sa magulang!" he laughed almost sarcastically, but I sensed the disappointment in his voice. "Is there something wrong?" I attempted. "Wala…I'm perfectly fine…"
We reached the Kalayaan intersection, and we were almost welcomed by the unmoving traffic. Oh boy, it was practically the longest trip of my life. The music continued, as if knowing we were listening. "How do I live" by Trisha Yearwood was playing. I wanted to kick the darn stereo and get out of the car, but I struggled to calm down and be as nonchalant as possible. Showing signs of reaction will make Michael think that I'm still affected by what happened between us. It was hard enough knowing that he had someone else when we were already steady for 7 months. After that, I didn't give him a chance to explain himself. I was already blinded by the fact that he cheated, and nothing made me talk to him again. Until that moment…
"Kamusta ka na?" Michael asked again. "Kamusta ka na, Shayne?" Ang tagal kitang hindi nakita…Ano na pinagkakaabalahan mo ngayon?"
"Wala naman…ganon pa rin, hindi naman ako nagbago. Abala lang ako sa graduation. Marami kasing projects ngayon tsaka tinatapos ko ang thesis ko," I breathed. "Eh, ikaw Mike, kamusta ka naman?"
He replied with an odd silence. He let the song finish before uttering another word. The song felt as if it was suffocating me inside the car; it made me feel trapped.
"Okay naman ako, Shayne. Medyo pagod lang…pero aaminin kong malungkot ako ngayon…"
Something in what he said didn't sound right. How could I be talking about "sadness" with the man who cheated on me? How could I be sitting here with the guy who lied to me and told me I was the one he loved most, and not some girl named Michelle? Disgusting things plagued me, but nothing escaped my lips. I wasn't in the mood to nag anybody.
Michael went on. "Siguro it's meant to be na magkita tayo ngayon, Shayne…Alam mo…alam mo…na-miss kita…"
Another odd silence followed. I thought someone punched me right in the chest. I couldn't breathe. Why is this man telling me these? Why is he sounding as if he deserves my pity? No…this is not right. I better get out of this darn car and just walk home. But I remained in my seat and glued my eyes on the vendors outside. I pretended not to hear anything but something about what he said wanted to make me cry. But why cry? This guy hurt me! This guy deserves no pity! He went on barely with soft whispers, "Shayne? Sa isang buong taon, o higit pa, pinigilan ko ang sarili kong makipagkita ulit sa iyo dahil alam kong nasaktan kita. Wala akong mukhang maiharap sa iyo…naalala mo pa ba Shayne nung…" I didn't let him say another word. "Oo, naaalala ko pa lahat," I butted in. the conversation sounded so wrong, that I didn't want to hear any apologies. What for? Harm has been done, and there's nothing he can do to mend things. I just wanted to move on with my life. The year that passed was a blessing to me – it gave me enough time to heal, more or less. And seeing him that day was simply not something I wished for. Maybe it really was meant for us to meet again.
Ten minutes wore away, and I kept silent. I didn't want him to know what was going on in my head. I didn't want him to know that for a year, I've been wanting to be with him too, ask him why he did that, what did I do to deserve being cheated at, how did Michelle look like, was she prettier than me, how long have they been together, did he date me before or after her…
"Sa isang buong taon, ginusto kong kausapin ka, magpaliwanag, sabihin kung gaano kita kamahal, at kung gaano kita na-miss…ginusto kong makipagkita, pero nangungunahan ako ng hiya…" this time I looked at him straight in the eye. Did he read my thoughts? Why was he talking as if he knew what I wanted to hear? The traffic was getting worse. "Lord, why did you make today a Saturday? You know how awful traffic is here on Saturday nights!". I concluded that God did it on purpose.
Another odd silence passed, this time it lasted for maybe 20 minutes. I felt like sleeping. The car usually felt like home to me. It had really comfy leather seats, where you can just doze off. I felt my eyes closed for a few seconds and my body felt more relaxed…
"Shayne, I still love you…"
I thought a bomb from Iraq exploded in my head. What did he just say? Did he say he still loved me? "HA?! Anong sabi mo?" I didn't want to sound stupid, but I just had to confirm what I just heard.
"Shayne, mahal naman talaga kita, hindi naman nagbago yun. Hinanap kita, pero nung nakita kita ulit, nawalan naman ako ng lakas ng loob na humarap sayo. Napangunahan ako ng hiya. Nahihiya ako sa yo…pero ang totoo, mahal na mahal pa rin kita, hanggang ngayon…"
I didn't say a thing. I left the silence between us and went on with my own thoughts. If he did love me, why did he cheat? Why did he make me feel as if I was just an old rag, which needed immediate replacement? Amidst my thoughts, I realized we were already halfway to my house. There were lots of things that we needed to discuss, but a voice in my head insisted that there isn't really much to talk about verbally. Michael cheated on me, and that was enough to end our relationship. Nothing – not even the "I love you, too's" and red roses he often gave me – can make me forgive him. How can I just smile and move on with the same man who made me cry a river? Snapshots of our past slowly appeared in my head at full length. The nights Michael used to walk me home, accompanied me to the grand ball, watched corny movies with me, sang songs at Encore, learned to play the guitar because he wanted to compose something for me, visited me in the hospital when I was diagnosed with potential anemia, and even went out at 12 midnight to buy me a bouquet of roses on the eve of our monthsary…when I opened my eyes, I suddenly realized that the car was already parked at the corner of our house. All I heard was the soft sounds of the crickets and nestling leaves of the trees nearby.
I froze. Finally, God heard my wish. I'm finally home, and I can say goodbye to this man. I can go straight to my room, open a book or two, finish my untapped thesis drafts, and iron my clothes for tomorrow. I can finally begin with my errands…but I lay motionless in my seat. Something made me want to stay – with him. Something inside my heart told me that it's happiness once again to feel him beside me. All the hatred I felt before disappeared – I was rummaging for that anger to rouse, but all I felt in my heart…was love.
Yes. I was still in love with him too. I wanted to say "I love you too" again but even my lips have forgotten what those words meant – or if they ever existed in the first place. I wanted to know how it felt if I called him "Baby" again. Another awkward silence protruded the scene, and I felt a few tears gathering at the back of my eyeballs.
"Shayne, mahal pa rin kita…"
He leaned towards me, pulled my chin closer to his. I smelled his breath…I've always loved that scent. I knew he wore the same perfume. The same Michael I fell in love with was right in front of me… practically begging me to love him again. His lips were an inch away from mine but I pulled away. My heart was beating faster that I thought he'd hear it. He pulled me closer again, but this time I won't budge. I gathered my books and school things and tried to regain composure. But then again, I stayed in my seat.
He sighed…heavily. I sensed regret, denial, frustration, and a hint of anger in that sigh. Another odd silence connected us both. I waited a year for another kiss from Michael's lips, but I let my pride take away that moment from me.
He resigned. "Shayne…I understand. Alam ko namang wala na tayong pag-asa, at alam kong ayaw mo na rin sa akin dahil sa ginawa ko dati. Alam kong hindi mo na ako mahal, at hindi mo na ako mamahalin kahit paglipas ng panahon. Hindi kita masisisi. Karapatan mo naman sigurong palitan na ako. Sino ba naman ako para magpumilit? I don't deserve you. You're more than a woman to me, but I have to face the consequences of what I've done to you. I will have to live with that forever. Shayne… kami pa rin ni Michelle…"
I thought my eyes were already bulging out of their sockets. Michael & Michelle, together all this time? The tears felt like raindrops all over my face. I didn't bother to wipe them off. He continued. "Naging kami nung nawala ka sa kin.pinilit kong mahalin sya na parang ikaw dati…pero hanggang ngayon Shayne…I'm sorry…"
The night's silence was too disturbing to contain. I felt a thousand pair of eyes around me, watching us cry like children. It was enough that he cheated and made me look like a fool. But telling me that he had spent the previous year with Michelle while in fact he wanted me to love him again was simply preposterous. I took my bag and opened the door. I did it as slowly as I could, so as not to show any emotion at all. And that was the truth – I didn't feel anything in my heart that instance. I pulled my keys, opened the gate and took a deep breath. "This has been a long day, " I told myself. The gate was half-closed when I heard him say something. "What?" I called back. He had his eyes fixed on me. I've never seen Michael's eyes like that before. His eyes were full of grief, so full of disappointment. I also felt despair and rejection in the way he stared at me. I opened the gate again, went out into the cold towards him. Michael opened the window of the car so he could see me more clearly. I bowed a little, just enough to touch his face. I pulled him closer…and kissed his lips. I waited a year to taste his lips again…I deserved it. The kiss lasted forever, the tears flowing freely again. I stopped and looked at him. I sighed, more heavily than he did earlier and whispered with all my strength left in me, "Michael…I want to move on…"
With that, I took a few steps back and intently glued my eyes on his. I wanted to feel that I loved him still…but that love was not enough to make me open the doors of my heart again. I knew that after what happened between us, I wouldn't have the courage to move on with my life. After what he did, I've never felt welcomed in anyone's heart anymore. All I wanted was to be with him again, but at this point that's impossible. His eyes were now troubled…with the thought of finally letting me go.
I looked at him for the last time – his white car, crumpled hair and striped polo shirt…and closed the gate behind me. It was time to say goodbye. Behind, I stood still for several minutes & heard the car engine rouse. The tears flowed again as the car drove farther & farther away until I couldn't hear anything anymore. I fell down on my knees and covered my face with my hands. The feeling was all too unbearable…but I want to move on…I did want to move on to a new life…a new life…where Michael can NEVER be a part of…never...